


Chasing Love

by Children_of_the_Shadows



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Children_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Children_of_the_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Closed Mouths and Touching Tongues

* * *

' _Please, you need to let me through to the plane. You've been in love, haven't you? If I don't tell her now, I'll lose her forever!'_

Sirius leaned on the edge of his seat, his eyes widening and fists tightening around the armrests. The anticipation was nearly overwhelming. He sincerely hoped Ben would make it. It would be horrible for both of them if he didn't; Jane was about to make a horrible mistake by marrying Keith. Horrible,  _horrible_  mistake.

' _Jane!'_

' _Ben! What are you doing here?'_

' _Jane, I've been such an idiot. I couldn't see what was in front of me the entire time: I'm in love with you, Jane. Everything about you! I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile; the way your hair flops down to cover your eyes; the way you always hold my hands when you're cold; I love the way your perfume smells and the way you're somehow always there when I feel like utter shite. You complete me, Jane. I know that this is probably going to mess up our friendship and make things horribly awkward between us if things don't work out, but I can't_ _ **not**_ _love you. I can't stop. I can't live without you, so I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. Marry me, Jane.'_

' _Yes. Oh, Ben, yes, yes,_ _ **yes!**_ _'_

Sirius resisted the urge to clap, along with all the other passengers on the plane.

'This is bloody ridiculous,' James groaned, from the seat next to him.

Sirius ignored him, feeling his throat constricting a little as he watched Ben go down on one knee. Jane's eyes were already filling with tears and Sirius, along with many other (largely female) audiences smiled and broke into a rather long  _'aww'._

'Are you fucking crying, Padfoot?' James asked incredulously, pushing up against his seat to look at Sirius. 'Merlin's pants, you're bleeding crying, aren't you?'

'Am not!' He retorted sharply, flinging popcorn at James's face. 'Just got a little bit of salt in my eyes, that's all. Bloody stings, doesn't it? They shouldn't put so much of it in their popcorn.'

James snorted. 'You are disgraceful, Padfoot. Almost as disgraceful as this ridiculous excuse for a movie. I cannot believe I used the last of my muggle money to watch this, rather than that other one we saw outside. The posters with the giant lizard or something….could've been a dragon, too. One can never tell with these muggles.'

'It was your brilliant idea to start with,' Sirius replied sourly, sipping the last of his drink. Sirius wished Remus was here with him instead. Remus wouldn't call Sirius 'disgraceful'. He would have held Sirius's hand through the movie, sneaking kisses in the dark when nobody was looking. Remus would have ' _aww-ed'_ along with him and offered Sirius his shoulder to wipe his slightly watery eyes during the climax. With Remus, it would have been a  _date._

'I only wanted to watch it because Lily's been raving about it since October,' James complained, getting up. 'I figured it would give me a conversation starter, not a bloody headache. I mean, honestly, what…'

 _Date._  Sirius quite honestly wanted a date with Remus. They had never been on one because they'd never needed to. Sirius's relationship with Remus had been unconventional to start off with; gradual to the point that Sirius didn't remember a time when they hadn't been together. They'd simply drifted closer and closer to each other with every passing year. It had started off with innocent hand holding in First Year, small pecks of the cheeks and lingering goodnights as neither of them wanted to go to their separate beds. And somehow, those pecks on the cheeks got more adventurous; moved closer and closer to the mouth until both of them were pressing awkward chapped lips together without any idea of what came next. Sirius still remembered the awkward few months they spent, trying to learn how to kiss, mouths opening tentatively and tongues making the briefest of touches. Remus had been Sirius's first and only kiss.

'Lily is beautiful, isn't she? I mean, did you see how gorgeous her hair looked the other day. I invited her for Christmas dinner, as usual, but she turned me down. Such a shame really; because mum's a red head, too. They would have…'

Nowadays, they were going a little farther than kissing. Well, snogging perhaps would be the right word to describe the way Remus pushed against him, his hands always moving underneath Sirius's shirt and even sometimes drifting down to the bulge in his pants. Sirius would push him down sometimes, when things seemed to be moving too slow and he felt desperately on the edge. Push him down and bite into his neck, nibbling and pushing the collar of Remus's school shirt as far as he could without having to open it.

'And then Lily did this adorable flip that she does with her middle finger. It was…'

It didn't help that they hid their relationship from most people; not James and Peter, of course. Even without having to say anything, they knew. They would have to be blind not to. But for the rest of Hogwarts, Sirius would always have to keep a calculated distance from Remus. Sometimes he would slip, and James would have to kick Sirius in the shins to remind him to  _"keep his eyes to himself and stop undressing Moony in the middle of Potions class'_. Sometimes, Sirius wanted to hug Remus so much, it hurt, so he would shoot Remus a slightly fraught look. Remus would always smile then, slipping his hand into Sirius's under the table and squeezing his fingers gently.

'Do you think if I sang to her from the dormitory window, she would agree to go out with me? Padfoot? Paaaddfoot!'

At age fifteen, Sirius could rightfully say that he had found his one true love.

'Padfoot, Moony is seeing another bloke.'

'What?' Sirius screamed, his red face cooling only when he noticed James laughing. 'That wasn't funny, Prongs. You almost gave me a heart attack there. I was just about ready to take out my wand and hex someone into oblivion.'

"You're underage.' James retorted, sticking his tongue out. 'Besides, we're here. Moony's good with shortcuts, isn't he; his directions led us straight to his place without much of a walk,' He sighed, surveying the area carefully and then turning to Sirius. 'Though I never thought Moony would live in such a deserted place; but makes sense. Neighbours aren't such a bright idea when you've got a furry little problem, I suppose.'

'Hm,' Sirius replied distractedly. 'It was nice of him to invite us for dinner. Do you think we should hae brought them something; you know, good first impression with his parents and all.' The house was a lot like Sirius imagined it to be – small and earthy in a way that was very quaint. Even the roads leading to the house were underdeveloped and uneven; just wide enough for a car to perhaps pass through. The white picket fence around their house stretched all the way to the border of the woods, creating an alternate reality between the tangle of trees and the neatly kept garden of pinks, purples, and blues. A small stone pathway lead to the front door and Sirius found himself hopping from each flat circular stone to the other in an odd sort of skip. He ignored James's eye roll, unable to control the giddiness he suddenly felt inside from the thought of being able to see Remus again, after four whole days. Cheerily, he plucked a handful of flowers from the bushes and rang the doorbell.

It was opened by a tall, thin man, with bright blond hair and the bluest eyes Sirius had ever seen. He looked nothing like Remus and for a second, Sirius was sure they had walked to the wrong house, until the man broke into a smile and spoke, 'You must be James and Sirius. Remus talks about you all the time. Come on in.' He moved aside to let them through. 'I'm Remus's father, William Lupin. Why don't you take a seat and I'll have Remus come down. Oh-er…thank you.' He smiled feebly, as Sirius handed him flowers that were clearly from his own garden. Dirt shook off them to the floor and Sirius tried not to cringe when James stepped on it, leaving muddy trails at his wake.

So much for a first good impression.

They had barely sat themselves down, when they heard loud footsteps running down the stairs and Remus appeared at the doorway, very much out of breath and grinning ear to ear. 'Hello!' He called out happily, rushing to hug both Sirius and James, though Sirius's hug did last slightly longer. 'You've met Pops, I guess. He told me you brought flowers.'

Sirius blushed, shuffling closer to Remus as he sat down on the couch. He felt a little tongue tied now, which seemed like a ridiculous thing to happen because he practically lived with Remus everyday of his life. Yet, now, being in Remus's house and having to meet his parents, Sirius suddenly felt very nervous. He wanted to be liked. He really, really wanted Remus to be proud of him and introduce him as his boyfriend. He also very much wanted Remus to sit on his lap and wished James would just bugger off.

'Your dad looks nothing like you.'

Remus laughed. 'Of course he doesn't. Though people say that I take after him more; personality wise, I mean.'

James was just about to ask what that meant when another head popped into the living room. A face that looked exactly like Remus's, except older and slightly greyer. The same pale skin, light brown hair and amber eyes, and even the same crooked smile. It took a bit of blinking for Sirius to snap out of his stupor and he noticed that James was similarly surprised, though he recovered much more quickly. Sirius wondered if perhaps this man was Remus's uncle; it would certainly explain the similarities.

'Hello, lads, I'm John: Remus's dad. Dinner will be ready in a few so make your selves comfortable, alright?' He grinned one last time at the boy's feeble hellos, shooting a knowing wink towards Sirius before leaving just as quickly as he'd arrived.

Sirius felt that the word "surprised" at this point would be a serious understatement.

'So, er, where's your mum, Moony?' James coughed uncomfortably. It was a lame attempt at an obvious question. 'Haven't met her yet.'

It did explain a lot about Remus. Like how he never seemed to have clean socks or anyone to sow on his buttons for him. Remus also had atrocious eating habits and had a tendency to think that all foods were edible as long as they weren't growing mould; even the kind that had been on the floor for a week. It also explained why Remus would so willingly kill off his mother whenever he had to give excuses for the Full Moon, back in their First Year.

'Don't have one,' Remus replied cheerily, slinging his arm around Sirius's shoulders as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was. 'Pops said he last saw her in a Petri dish. Dad might have seen more of her though; can't tell really.'

* * *

'Goodnight, Remus,' John kissed Remus on the forehead, laughing when Remus swatted him away with an indignant " _Dad!"_  'What, embarrassed by your old man now?'

Remus blushed brightly, digging his face into his pillow and glancing surreptitiously towards a laughing Sirius. James had gone back home after dinner, but Sirius, after a lot of pleading and begging to both James and Remus's parents, had been allowed to stay for the night. Sirius couldn't deny that he was excited and oddly nervous, though he wasn't sure why; perhaps because he'd never been alone in a room with Remus before.

'You sure you don't want Mr. Snuffles to join you tonight?' John teased again, picking up a small stuffed black dog that Sirius had given Remus for Christmas in their second year. Learning that Remus slept with it at night sent off pleasant tingles down Sirius's spine and he hid his face in his own pillow to hide the shy smile that was slowly creeping up his face.

'John, don't tease Remus in front of Sirius. You're embarrassing him,' William scolded from the door, though he had a smile on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes that looked oddly similar to Remus's. 'But I'm warning the two of you: separate beds. Am I understood?'

'Yes,' Remus grumbled from under his blankets. He shot Sirius, whose bed had been transfigured from a table, an apologetic look. 'We'll be good.'

'Good,' William smiled, pulling Sirius's blankets up to his chin and ruffling his hair, before moving on to Remus's bed. 'Because otherwise your dad and I will be forced to give you that  _talk_  all over again. The one about the bees and the bees, and what happens when their stingers-'

'Enough!' Remus shouted, putting horrified hands over his ears. 'Goodnight to the both of you!'

William laughed and Sirius finally understood why people thought Remus was more like him. They had the same laugh and the same penchant for mischief behind a faux exterior. 'Alright, goodnight, chap,' William kissed Remus on the forehead, easily dodging Remus's embarrassed swipe. 'Goodnight, Sirius.' Sirius received his own kiss on the forehead and suddenly found himself blushing furiously when he realised Remus probably also used the same shampoo and aftershave as William did.

The door shut quietly and for a while, the two of them silently listened to Remus's parents' fading conversation.

' _You ruin all the fun, Willie. We could have teased him a little more. Would have been…'_

'Whoa! What're you doing?' Sirius suddenly cried, when he felt Remus slip underneath his covers. 'Your dad told us strictly to-mfff.' Sirius struggled under Remus's hands covering his mouth. Remus pushed his body closer to Sirius's, squeezing more comfortably in the small bed. His feet were cold as they brushed against Sirius's and Sirius could distinctly feel Remus's skin where his shirt had ridden up and was pressing comfortably against his side. 'You're not supposed to be here!' Sirius whispered, when Remus finally freed his mouth. 'Your parents might kill me! I don't want them to think I've stolen their son's virtue or something. Go back!'

'Shh, just relax!' Remus assured, stroking Sirius's hair in a way that, had Sirius been in canine form, his leg would have been spinning out of control. 'I'll go back in the morning, I promise. We won't do anything. I just want to be with you for a while.'

Sirius smiled, burying his nose into Remus's neck and encouraging Remus's fingers to move to the back of his head. 'Your parents are nice,' he murmured softly, taking in the scent of chocolate and shampoo. 'It's nice of William to change his name; kind of romantic actually.' Sirius didn't want to sound too sappy, so he didn't mention the fact that he wanted to end up just like Remus's parents in the future. He wanted them to be together forever. Sirius wanted Remus to tell him that he loved him.

'It hasn't really got anything to do with romance,' Remus said in between chuckles. 'Pops' last name is Ryder.' At Sirius's confused expression, Remus elaborated, 'People call him Willie for short.'

It took a while for Sirius to process everything. Before both he and Remus burst out into laughter, trying to quiet each other down to uncontrollable giggles so as not to wake up Remus's parents. 'A bit literal, isn't it?' Sirius commented, before bursting out again. He wrapped his arms around Remus's waist, rolling them around, so that Remus sat on top of him. 'Hey, sexy,' he winked in what he hoped was a seductive manner.

Remus laughed, wriggling around to get comfortable and making Sirius distinctly uncomfortable around his trousers. It was odd, how despite being the tallest of the Marauders, Remus was also the lightest. His weight felt barely there on Sirius's hips. 'What did you do today? Prongs told me you cried at the cinema.'

'I didn't cry!' Sirius stuttered, blushing bright red under Remus's carefree laughter. 'There was salt in my eye and…and…stop laughing!' When Remus didn't stop, he growled and flipped them over again, so that he had Remus pinned between him and the bed, arms at his side. 'I wasn't crying. But, but, I did miss you a little. If you were there, we could have been like the others in the cinema. On a date, I mean…'

Remus smiled softly, leaning up to kiss Sirius on the nose. 'Really?'

Sirius kissed Remus's nose back. 'Yeah. We could go sometime…on a date, I mean. Just the two of us…alone…in a together kind of way…'

Remus placed a chaste kiss of Sirius's lips. 'I'd like that very much.'

'Brilliant,' Sirius grinned, trying to return the favour but getting caught up in the taste of Remus's lips. Their kiss deepened as Remus opened his mouth easily under Sirius's, his tongue against Sirius'; brushing against the roof of his mouth before retreating and letting Sirius take control of the kiss. Remus's hands were already pulling at Sirius's shirt, his hands moving higher and higher up Sirius's back. There was desperation in those hands as they pushed for more skin and Sirius reluctantly broke away from the kiss to take the next step in their relationship. 'Should I take it off?' He asked hesitantly, wondering if it was going too fast; hoping to Gods Remus wasn't going to say no.

Remus swallowed and nodded quickly, eyes watching Sirius hungrily as he took off his shirt and then quickly getting rid of his own. Suddenly, Sirius felt a whole new world open up for him. Everything that had felt off limits seemed within reach, and he wasted no time to divulge in the opportunity, his hands and lips moving from Adam's apple to collar bone to bony, bony shoulders and then finally Remus's nipples. A twist of tongue and a brush of fingers had Remus writhing and moaning underneath him, Sirius's name pouring out of his lips. Remus's nipples, Sirius realised, were a wondrous thing and so he sucked harder until the flesh seemed red and abused.

'Padfoot,' Remus whispered hoarsely. 'Padfoot, kiss me.'

Sirius obliged, but only after a tentative lick and bite at Remus's navel. A small part of his mind reminded him that they weren't supposed to be doing this; that they had promised Remus's parents to stay in separate beds. Yet, the minute Remus had thrust his tongue into Sirius's mouth and begun to rock their bodies together, he forgot all about promises and restrictions.  _We should have done this sooner,_  Sirius thought as their bare chests rubbed together. They had never gone this far before and suddenly Sirius wondered why, when it felt this fucking brilliant. When Remus's naked skin collided with his so sinfully, angles and sharp bones digging painfully into Sirius's body. One of Remus's hands that had been groping Sirius's arse wandered, sliding up Sirius's back and then to his front. It was when Remus's hands slipped under his pyjama bottoms that Sirius stiffened, their kiss breaking.

'Is it okay?' Remus asked nervously, his eyes glazed from lust.

Already Remus's hand was moving away and Sirius suddenly found himself catching it and pushing it down to his cock. The minute Remus's hand touched him; Sirius knew he wasn't going to last long. He'd done this by himself a million times before, mostly after heavy snog sessions with Remus, but nothing had come to close to what he was feeling now. Remus's tentative hands got bolder as they moved over Sirius's erection, thumb brushing over the head and squeezing with just the right amount of pressure and friction. Through tightly shut eyes, Sirius scrabbled to get his hands under Remus's bottoms to return the favour.

'Fuck,' Remus cried out, as Sirius's cool hands closed around his erection. 'Fuck, fuck fuck… _Sirius.'_

And just like that, from the sound of his own name, Sirius came harder than ever, his toes curling and teeth burying themselves into Remus's shoulder. His arms held Remus tightly, relishing at the shudders that wracked though his body  _because of him_. Because Sirius had  _touched_  him. They panted against each other, Remus breath hot and shaky against Sirius's neck, his hands clutching Sirius's back like a lifeline. Right then, Sirius wanted to say it: those three words that had been on the tip of his tongue for months now.  _I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

But more than anything, he wanted Remus to say it first.

_I really love you._

* * *

**Dedication: To** r **osebelikov26**   **who pointed out that all fanfiction seem to enjoy making Remus suffer. I have aspired to change that and can proudly say that no Remuses have been or will be hurt in the making of this story.**


	2. Drunken Spells and a Penchant for Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

'Let me just get some muggle money from Pops, all right? I'll be right back.' Remus smiled, squeezing Sirius's hands in his. The touch lingered and Remus shuffled his feet as if wanting to do something more, but having embarrassment come in the way. 'Right,' he said, after a while, when he realised they were still holding hands. 'Guess I should get on with it.'

'Guess so,' Sirius smiled insolently, tightening his grip on Remus's fingers.

Remus laughed. 'Let go, you git.' Despite his words, Remus only stood closer, making no effort to move his own hands. 'We're being daft,' he whispered, when both their awkward scuffling had gotten them close that their lips were only millimeter apart. He rested his forehead against Sirius's, the tips of their noses touching.

'Can't help it,' Sirius replied, closing the distance between them with a chaste kiss. When he pulled away, Sirius could see his own daze reflected in Remus's eyes. He reluctantly let go of Remus's hands. 'Go on, then. I'll wait in the living room.'

'Yeah,' Remus nodded, though he still seemed a little out of it. 'I'll just be a minute.'

Sirius walked to the living room blindly by memory; he couldn't take his eyes off of Remus. He didn't know why. They'd been together since First Year, but all of a sudden, especially after last night, things seemed  _different_. It was as if Sirius was seeing Remus in a whole new light; where every aspect of him had Sirius thinking how utterly gorgeous Remus was. The knowing twinkle in his amber eyes, his impish smile, the scar that ran across the bridge of his nose; even the way Remus walked, his long legs still unaccustomed to their sudden growth spurt. The smallest glances of skin had Sirius wanting to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him. He didn't want to let go or spend even a second away from Remus. Every word that Remus said had him thinking back to last night and how beautiful Remus had looked with his head thrown back and eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. It had been their first time together like that; the first time they had gone beyond kisses and heavy petting; and Sirius's body shook in anticipation for a next time. He wanted Remus. And he felt like the luckiest bloke in the world to actually have him.

Given the train of his thoughts, Sirius wasn't much surprised when he unseeingly bumped into John Lupin.

'All right there, Sirius?' John asked, peering down at him. Sirius hadn't quite noticed it before, but John was a massive fellow. Tall and very well built, with broad shoulders and rather large arms; Remus had mentioned that John liked to keep fit because Auror training required more than just skills with the wand. Sirius wondered if he would have to look like this someday and if Remus would find it particularly attractive. It was an odd contrast to both Remus and William, who were somewhat gangly and thin to an extent that they looked like they could be knocked over by the wind.

'Why don't you sit down, Sirius. I'd like to talk to you about Remus a little.'

The mention of Remus's name jolted him back to reality and Sirius noticed that he had already been steered into the living room. Confused, he sat next to John Lupin on their couch, the leather squeaking when Sirius moved to get comfortable. When properly looked at, Sirius should have guessed Remus had a slightly unconventional family much earlier on. A mother would have never approved of such an odd assortment of furniture that consisted of mostly leather couches, a large television and a showcase full of awards, one of which Sirius noticed had Remus's name on it. He had never been more curious his entire life to know what it was for.

'So tell me, Sirius, what are your intentions with Remus?'

Sirius blinked dumbly. 'Huh?'

'Well,' John Lupin said slowly, as if Sirius were slightly retarded, 'where do you intend to take this? Remus is my son, after all, and I need to know how serious you are about this whole thing.'

'Oh,' Sirius replied, mostly because he didn't quite understand what John wanted him to say or more importantly, where this conversation was supposed to be going. He'd was tempted to make the 'Sirius-ly Sirius' joke, but suddenly felt rather intimidated and wishing Remus was here to bail him out.

John hummed, obviously unsatisfied by Sirius's lack of answer. 'You see, Remus unfortunately takes after Willie. We've raised him to be very sheltered, so there is a lot he doesn't understand. He always sees the better side of people. Which is probably why he's so kind and thus, very easy to take advantage of.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure which Remus Lupin John had met, but the Remus Lupin of the Marauders was anything but easy to take advantage of. He was fierce and ridiculously clever when it came to staging pranks, though he didn't partake in them as much as James and Sirius would have liked. The Remus Lupin Sirius knew was kind, but he was also beautiful and mischievous and everything Sirius wanted if not more.

John Lupin sighed irritably as Sirius slipped into yet another one of his Remus induced daydreams. Still, he persisted, 'Remus told me you know about his… _condition?'_

'Oh, yes, I do,' Sirius confirmed, wondering what was taking Remus so long to come down. Sirius kind of missed him.

'And it doesn't bother you at all?'

'Frankly, Sir,' Sirius leaned in towards John's ear to whisper, 'I find it a bit of a turn on.'

John's face turned red and he was just about to say something, when thankfully, Remus and William entered the room. Sirius immediately went to Remus's side, slipping his hand into Remus's and grinning widely. There was suddenly a rather large balloon filling up in his chest.

'John, I hope you weren't patronising Sirius; he's our guest,' William scolded, shooting Sirius a kind smile.

'Wasn't doing anything of the sort,' John lied, huffing. 'The chap wouldn't understand patronising if I was hanging him by the ankles. Daft as a garden gnome, this one!'

' _Dad!'_  Remus cried in indignation, just as William echoed,  _'John!'_  Sirius just bounced on his feet, unperturbed by the comment and wishing him and Remus could start their date already. It was going to be their very first date and Sirius was excited to a point where he felt like a frilly school girl. Not that he cared, but he didn't want to seem too eager in front of Remus. He still wanted Remus to think he was manly and rugged, if not rather cool.

'You'll have to let go when we get to the town centre, okay,' Remus told him, indicating their clasped hands as they walked out of the house. Distractedly, he nodded to his parents as they informed him about curfew hour and the severe grounding he would receive if he didn't come back on time, or did something to get him into jail. Remus wasn't quite paying attention, instead brushing his shoulders against Sirius's, when Sirius's face fell in disappointment. 'Don't look like that. You know we can't hold hands in front of people. It isn't because I don't want to.'

Sirius pouted, 'I know, but I-' There was a lot he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Remus that it wouldn't hurt to walk a little closer in front of people or flaunt their relationship just a little. The times weren't as conservative right now; they could get away with it, Sirius was sure. He wanted to ask Remus if he was honestly that ashamed of Sirius. Sirius wasn't. If it was up to him, he would be singing off tune songs about Remus's lovely eyes while swinging from a street lamp.

It was odd for Sirius to feel so self conscious and unsure when it came to Remus and their relationship. He was confidence personified; to the extent that often when conducting a prank with James he would do it right under the teacher's noses, completely sure that they would get away with it. They really had done a prank which had caused the entire staff members' nose hair to grow past their knees. With Remus, Sirius felt himself wanting to please him all the time. He didn't want to do anything to jeopardise what they had. It meant too much…

'Padfoot,' Remus said, breaking into his thoughts. His amber eyes were looking at Sirius's intensely and Sirius knew that Remus was reading him like a book. He had a tendency to almost always know what Sirius wanted. 'If you like, we could hold hands inside my coat pocket. No one would notice if we walk close.'

Remus blushed brightly at Sirius's grin, looking away with an awkward cough. 'Can we watch a movie first?' Sirius asked happily, pulling on his gloves before helping Remus with his. 'James is a total killjoy in the cinema. I want to watch something with you.' He entwined their gloved fingers, feeling ridiculously warm, despite the freezing snow crunching under his feet.

It was a bloody good holiday, Sirius thought, as they walked to the nearest bus station. Christmas at the Potters and New Years with the Lupins: Sirius couldn't have asked for much more.

* * *

' _Nooo! Please! Help me! Someone!'_

Sirius stared at the couple in front of them, the young girl, no older than seventeen, had practically fused herself into her boyfriend. She was frightened, and as the movie progressed, her fear only grew to the point where she would hide her face in her boyfriend's shoulder with a soft whimper. Her boyfriend, a chap with dark brown hair, seemed to be enjoying the attention quite a bit: wrapping both his arms around her, kissing her hair at intervals when the cinema filled with horrified screams. He chuckled sometimes at how easily she scared and sometimes he would whisper sweet things in her ear that only the two of them could hear.

Sirius was admittedly a bit jealous.

' _Mary, don't go there! You'll-aaahhhh!'_

Sirius looked at Remus sitting to his left. Sirius hated that Remus was such a bloody boy sometimes. He seemed completely unperturbed by all the gruesome scenes and was enjoying his popcorn far too much; shoveling four at a time into his mouth. Remus grinned when blood splattered across the screen and laughed at the most inappropriate times. Sirius huffed in annoyance and sipped at his coke. At least the armrest between them had been pushed up, so they sat comfortably, thighs touching.

Sirius coughed trying to garner Remus's attention, but his boyfriend was currently at the edge of his seat, eyes wide and popcorn disappearing at a rapid pace in his mouth. 'Fucking shit!' he exclaimed, bolting back, when a bloody face suddenly appeared in front of the screen.

'Moony,' Sirius coughed again, this time successful. Remus was looking at him questioningly, though his eyes kept wandering back to the screen in curiosity. 'If you…er…if you get scared, I'm here.' Sirius blushed and avoided looking at Remus, concentrating solely on what was happening in the movie. When Remus did nothing but raise a questioning eyebrow in reply, Sirius fidgeted in his seat awkwardly. 'I mean to say, if you…if the movie is too frightening for you…I'll…'

Thankfully, Sirius was saved the embarrassment of having say much more because Remus simply grinned and leant back against him, head pillowed against Sirius's shoulder. 'Comfy?' He asked, looking up with a cheeky smile.

Sirius shoved popcorn into Remus's mouth, laughing when Remus gave an indignant squawk. 'You're a bloody wanker, you know that?' He put his arms around Remus's shoulders, pulling him closer, until one of Remus's legs rested over Sirius's. Remus smelled of buttered popcorn and chocolate; a ridiculously odd mixture that had Sirius kissing the side of his neck softly. 'Now pretend to be scared out of your bloomers, so I can coddle you.'

* * *

'Moony, where are you taking us?' Sirius asked, glancing at his wristwatch. There was an hour until midnight and an hour past Remus's given curfew. Dinner had taken a little longer than expected and Sirius, not wanting their date to end, hadn't bothered informing Remus of the time. Sirius, being the only one with a wristwatch had been asked specifically to keep track of when Remus was exceeding his time limit, but he hadn't had the heart to. It was his Marauder side acting up, he tried to reason, and not at all his romantic side which wanted a kiss in the park at midnight. He would talk to Remus's parents later, he reasoned. He had a feeling William would be a lot more understanding, but John seemed like the type of overprotective parent who would only accept an apology after a good few punches. Sirius hoped Remus wouldn't let his dad hit him.

'It's this place I know my parents go to,' Remus explained, dragging Sirius along. He was holding Sirius's hand freely now, without the cover of their coat pockets or within shadows. If the good few couples snogging in random corners were any indication, this was probably a popular gay district. 'I've wanted to go for a while now, but I didn't want to go alone. I was hoping we could dance a little before heading home.' Remus smiled sweetly, probably hoping to win Sirius over.

Sirius wasn't about to argue in the first place.

'But they won't let us in,' Sirius worried, though not slowing his pace behind Remus. 'We're underage and I can't even perform a befuddlement charm to sneak through. Not without getting caught! If you'd told me earlier, I would have bought a couple of Dungbo-' A small blue vial was suddenly thrown towards him and Sirius just barely caught it with the tips of his fingers. 'Ageing Potion,' he read the yellowing label and stared at Remus, whose eyes were shining with familiar Marauder mischief. Sirius had never been more turned on his entire life. 'Moony, you are a fucking genius, you know that?'

'Two drops should last you an hour or so. Don't take more than that,' Remus instructed, his cheeks reddening from running in the cold.

Sirius shook his head and made a purposeful show of swallowing more. Before Remus could protest, Sirius pulled him into a rough kiss, tongue invading Remus's mouth and transferring part of the potion. The bitter taste faded and Sirius pulled away, watching Remus's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. 'An older Moony makes quite the catch, I must say,' Sirius commented, watching stubble pop out across Remus's smooth face, his jaw becoming squarer and his height surpassing Sirius's in a quick burst. Almost makes me want to have my way with you in that alleyway over there.'

'Not now,' Remus replied, his voice coming out heavier and slightly raspy. Sirius didn't miss the lust in Remus's amber eyes as he looked Sirius once over, before grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him again across the street. Cars honked noisily behind them, some shouting angry curses at them for being reckless. It was thrilling to see how little Remus cared, when on any other occasion, he would have always tried to be prim and proper, and lecture the Marauders about limits.

"We're here.'

Sirius was only able to read the bright blue sign that flashed 'SEVEN%', before he was dragged in. The man at the door hadn't looked at them twice, which only made Sirius even more curious to see what he looked like after the potion's effects. His curiosity was soon blown away by awe, as he took in the sudden ear blasting music and thrum of bodies swaying to the beat. Sirius had heard a lot about these gay clubs, both muggle and magical, but nothing he'd heard even partially measured up to the real thing. It was utter madness. The music was jarring, so loud that Sirius could feel the floor beneath his feet vibrate. There were couples everywhere, freely touching and grinding against each other; a few of them were even snogging in the corners. Lights flashed in different colours, red, green and blue hitting him squarely in the eye, and highlighting the almost naked dancers on their small stages, gyrating their bodies against a large pole.

'Moony, there's a bar at that end,' Sirius yelled to be heard. 'Want to try a couple of drinks?'

Remus looked up, apprehension clear in his eyes. 'Padfoot, I don't think that's a good idea. We're underage and neither of us have had alcohol before. What if something happens? Padfoot!' Remus's protests fell on deaf ears, as Sirius dragged him to the bar. There were dancers there too and a few winked suggestively at both of them. Sirius ignored them. 'Padfoot, no! What if we get really crazy and end up in jail! Or worse, dead on the street or something! My parents will kill me!'

Sirius passed on some muggle money, as the barman slid their shots across the table. 'Bottoms up, Moony!' He grinned before downing his drink in one gulp. It burned down his throat like acid, bitter and so strong that it made him cringe. The gentleman beside them was already on his fourth and seemed completely unfazed by it. Feeling adventurous, Sirius ordered another. 'Drink up! We've had Butterbeer before, Moony; it's not that different,' Sirius lied, his head starting to buzz pleasantly as he gulped down his second shot.

Remus rolled his eyes. 'Right. 'Course it isn't.'

Suddenly, the music didn't seem too loud anymore. His blood was pumping, his feet already matching the every beat and his hands winding around Remus's waist seductively. He grinned, when Remus reluctantly swallowed his drinks, face twisting in disgust.

'How do you feel?'

'Weird…bit dizzy,' Remus admitted, allowing Sirius to pull him closer, hands sliding across the hard lines of Remus's body, mapping each rib and then his hip bones. He could hear Remus moan against his neck, pushing against him until they were in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a throng of people bumping against each other.

'Didn't know you could dance, Moony,' Sirius groaned, as their hips brushed together. He was feeling dizzy already though he wasn't sure if it was because of the alcohol, the music, or the fact that Remus was seducing his cock into a standing ovation with his fucking seductive hips. 'Merlin,' he whispered, brushing his lips against Remus's before pulling him by the hair forcefully into a bruising kiss. 'You are bloody sexy, you know that.'

Remus, despite being slightly drunk, blushed and hid his face into Sirius's neck. His hands were starting to wander under Sirius's shirt, hands sliding against his back from the sweat and them gripping tightly at Sirius's waist. Remus's hot breath was fanning against Sirius's collar bone, sending shivers coursing down his spine. He fisted the bottom of Remus's t-shirt, pulling it off in one go and throwing it over his head. He'd expected Remus to protest but instead, found lidded amber eyes staring at him sensuously, clouded over from lust and drunken haze. Sirius ran his hands against Remus's chest and was just about to lean into a kiss, when he felt their teeth crash together painfully as another body moved up against them.

Sirius stared, open mouthed, as man with bright red hair attached himself to Remus's back, grinding his pelvis off beat into  _Sirius's boyfriend._ Remus's face mirrored Sirius's expression of shock and horror but before he could move away to safer territory, Sirius shoved the man roughly by the shoulder. 'Bit close, aren't you, mate,' he said through gritted teeth, still trying to keep civil for Remus's sake.

'Come on,' the red head slurred and swayed dangerously; he was drunk arse over tit beyond reason, 'it's just a bit of dancing, love. Won't kill you gorgeous chaps to loosen up a bit.' He sidled up against Remus again, this time running his hands up Remus's sides.

'Oi, get off me!' Remus cried, shoving the man back so hard that he fell to the floor.

Sirius didn't care that Remus was more than capable of defending himself; that he was probably stronger than Sirius himself. All Sirius saw was the lecherous grin on the arsehole's face and the obvious tent in his pants, and then he saw  _red._  'I'm going to kill you,' Sirius growled, before pulling his fists back and delivering the first of many blows.

At least he'd given a fair warning beforehand.

* * *

'Cold?' Sirius asked. When Remus nodded, he beckoned Remus to move against his chest and wrapped his coat around their bodies tightly. He felt a little bit guilty as Remus shivered against him and pushed closer. They hadn't really found Remus's shirt after Sirius, drunk on lust and alcohol, had discarded it at some odd part of the club. Now, all he had to ward off the cold and snow was his coat and Sirius's body heat. They had been all right on the bus ride home, but now walking all the way to Remus's little cottage was proving to be a challenge. 'Sorry about tonight,' Sirius apologised, kissing Remus's hair. They were walking (shuffling really) rather awkwardly while trying to share warmth, but Sirius couldn't find himself to complain when he had Remus all to himself like this on an empty street. 'You know how it is when I get angry. I just…I can't control myself. And that bastard was really asking for it.'

Remus chuckles vibrated against Sirius's chest. 'It's okay. I've never been kicked out of anywhere before, much less banned.'

'You've never been drunk before either, have you?' Sirius felt a little ashamed about his actions, though the Marauder side of him relished in the glory of being dangerous enough to have to be, quite literally, dragged out of the club. Another side of him complimented how strong he had been for Remus to take on a grown man all by himself and  _win_. He had been very tempted to pocket the tooth he'd punched out of the jerk's face as a prize.

'Wasn't that drunk,' Remus mumbled. 'Bit tipsy; still a little dizzy actually.'

'Wonder if Firewhisky tastes the same. Prongs mentioned he'd try and nick some from his uncle's this time. Mr. Potter quit alcohol years ago and is really strict about it, so I honestly don't think he can do it.'

Remus hummed non-committaly. 'We're late,' he said casually. Sirius blamed it slightly on the alcohol that Remus seemed so unfazed by everything. Under normal circumstances, he would have yelled at Sirius for not keeping track of time and worried and fretted over getting home. 'Can I tell you a secret?' He asked, snuggling into Sirius's chest.

Sirius smiled. 'Is it big?'

Remus nodded, admitting his sins into Sirius's overcoat, 'I made us late on purpose. Told Pops I'd be late on the phone; furious, he was. But look,' Remus waved his left wrist in front of Sirius's face, 'had a watch the entire time. I even set it to countdown to midnight.'

Sure enough, Remus's digital wristwatch blinked; the numbers changing from 11:58 to 11:59. The seconds were ticking away fast and after a while Sirius didn't really feel like counting backwards from sixty. It didn't matter anyway; they were already on the front porch of Remus's house. All the lights were turned on, lighting up the otherwise dark street. Sirius could see figures pacing behind the living room curtain and then John Lupin's face peeking out, his eyes going from searching to furious.

'Remus John Lupin!' His voice rang out against in the dark, empty streets. 'Get your skinny arse in here so that I can ground you for the rest of your life!'

Remus cringed, burying his face into Sirius's neck with a whimper.

Remus's wrist watch started beeping, signaling that there were five seconds left.

'And don't think you're getting away either, Black! I will…'

_Four seconds left._

'Our first New Year's kiss,' Sirius whispered, looking down at Remus. The effects of the ageing potion had long since worn off and it felt good to be back to their old heights again. 'Should be romantic, shouldn't it?'

_Three seconds left._

There were footsteps pounding behind the front door, William's protests of, 'John, calm down!' and 'Remus  _did_  call!' ringing over John's threats to maim, kill, and do bodily hard to 'Remus's Black garden gnome'. Sirius should have been more offended, but found himself feeling oddly ecstatic and excited over having broken so many rules and gotten into trouble multiple times over the course of one night.

_Two seconds left._

'Plenty romantic,' Remus whispered, brushing the tips of their noses together, breaths mingling in puffs of cold air. 'Wouldn't have it any other way really.'

_One second left._

Their lips met in a soft kiss, both boys ignoring the door flying open to reveal inevitable doom.

* * *

 


	3. Bringing Sexy, Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

Remus watched with irrational jealousy, as James and Sirius plotted their next prank, heads close together and words of mischief coming in hushed whispers. He knew this bubbling anger deep inside of him was just him being stupid, he knew that the two of them were only friends, but that didn't keep Remus from envying the attention James commanded. Attention that Remus wanted from Sirius; attention that Remus had had from Sirius until the holidays had ended and school had started. Now, it felt as if everything had been a wild dream; the dates, the intimacy they'd shared: all of it seemed to have been forgotten at least on Sirius's part. Suddenly, it seemed like Remus was competing against the whole school for Sirius Black's affection. It made him feel stupid and unattractive and largely insecure.

Remus shook his head to clear away such thoughts and got up for bed. He had finished his homework ages ago, but had lingered, not so surreptitiously staring at Sirius in the hopes that he would look up and flash Remus with one of his cheeky grins or throw his arm over Remus's shoulder in a gesture of mock camaraderie.

The clock struck twelve and Remus chanced a look back at Sirius one last time, only to be met with Sirius's complete obliviousness. Remus sighed and began climbing the stairs, wishing that sometimes, Sirius wasn't such a daft dog. Remus didn't know what he had expected; this was how they were with each other for the most part. Between the two of them, there was never really anyone asking the other out or proposing with large romantic gestures, or even the simple acknowledgement that maybe Remus was now Sirius's boyfriend. The two of them had somehow drifted into a comfortable relationship; Remus didn't remember a time when they were any different.

'Asleep already, Moony?' Sirius asked, climbing into Remus's bed and snuggling into his back. They almost always slept together now, too used to each other's warmth to go back to their lonely single beds. 'It's only a little past midnight. You're getting old, Moony.'

Remus hummed, turning over so that they now lay face to face. 'I'm not the one who has to be dragged out of bed in the morning,' he countered with a smile, running his fingers through Sirius's soft hair, down to cup his cheek. 'You have Quidditch practice early tomorrow, don't you? You should get some rest.' When Sirius nodded in compliance, Remus smiled, leaning closer and pressing their lips together; close mouthed and chaste at first, then deepening until Remus was sucking on Sirius's plump bottom lip and pushing his tongue insistently past his lips. Sirius chuckled and Remus pulled up with a disgruntled frown.

'Sorry,' Sirius apologised, snorting with laughter. 'I was remembering the prank James has planned for Easter. He was saying how we could charm the eggs to-'

'Goodnight, Padfoot,' Remus replied wearily, turning away to face the other side.  _James, James, James, James –_ it was all ways bloody pranks and James. What did Remus have to do to be the centre of Sirius's attention? What did he have to do so that the only name that poured out Sirius's lips were his? What did Remus have to do to have Sirius entirely to himself?

'Are you very tired?' Sirius asked, spooning Remus, pushing their bodies flush together. He slung a hand over Remus's waist, rubbing slow circles over Remus's tummy underneath his t-shirt. It almost made Remus's irritation disappear. 'Goodnight then,' he whispered when Remus didn't reply back. He kissed the back of Remus's neck softly, before saying, 'I'm going to go down and join James in a kitchen raid. I'll be back in an hour, all right?'

Remus gritted his teeth. Something needed to be done!

By the time, Remus woke up, it was already seven thirty and the Sirius shaped indent beside him on the bed had grown cold. It took a moment of confusion and annoyance, before Remus remembered that Sirius had had Quidditch practice at six today and was probably waiting for him and Peter at the breakfast table. Groaning, he reluctantly got out of bed and into the shower, where he slept standing up under the hot spray of water. Mornings were never quite Remus's forte, especially when he didn't have Sirius as his personal pepper-up potion, climbing on top of him and pressing insistent kisses all over his face until Remus, covered in dog slobber, would begrudgingly (if not a little happily) get up. Remus wondered if Sirius would stop doing that over time, opting to wake up early and plan pranks with James instead.

Remus frowned, turning off the tap and climbing out of the shower. Maybe it wasn't really James's fault that Sirius seemed almost blasé about their relationship; maybe it was Remus's. Remus had read (in women's magazines that William denied on buying but somehow magically appeared at their doorstep every Sunday), that relationships often got mundane because couples got too comfortable with each other or because they no longer found each other attractive anymore.

Remus bit his lip, swiping his hand across the steamed mirror and looking at himself intently. He wasn't particularly attractive to begin with. Remus had always been on the thin side (more so after his growth spurt), with none of the hard, defined muscles that women found attractive. He wasn't particularly manly either, Remus realised, staring disdainfully at the two pathetic strands of blond hair that sat in the middle of his chest. Even Molly Prewett (a rather plump seventh year) had more of a beard than he did, and many a times, Remus caught himself staring at her chin almost enviously. Sometimes he just stared at it to count exactly how many strands she had growing from her chin. Remus finger combed his hair back and glared at his reflection yet again; he honestly couldn't find anything redeeming about himself. Even his face seemed too pale, too boyish; his nose a little too long, lips too thin, and eyes frighteningly large.

'Fucking unfair,' Remus grumbled, grabbing his shower kit from the corner of the bathtub and pulling out the bottle of Eau De Parfum he'd stolen from his dads' closet. When Remus was younger, he remembered always snuggling into either of his fathers after they came home from work, and being enveloped in the rich, musky scent of cologne. Remus remembered thinking that it was the smell of a man, and couldn't wait till he grew out of his silly cartoon underwear and baby lotion. Well, this was the time Remus stopped smelling like powder and flowery shampoo. It was time Remus finally smelled like a _man._  Taking a deep breath, Remus sprayed a generous amount over his naked chest and neck, coughing a little from the strong smell.

'Moony, how long are you going to be? I need to take a piss real bad!' Peter banged on the door desperately, pronouncing his urgency.

'I'm done!' Remus called out, quickly shrugging on his uniform. He hesitated for seconds before casting a slight shrinking charm on his clothes, so that his shirt hugged the thin lines of his body and his trousers clung to his arse tightly. It was incredibly uncomfortable for Remus who was used to having his clothes hang off him baggily. It was the price of sexy, he told himself before opening the door for poor Peter who rushed in, his fly already unzipped.

'Mornin',' Remus greeted, sitting beside Sirius, who like James was half asleep with his head on the table. He drew up his chair slightly closer, so that their thighs were touching, and smiled when Sirius put his foot over Remus's. 'You look exhausted,' he commented, piling eggs and bacon onto his plate and then into Sirius's surprisingly empty one. 'Hard practice? Neither of you have touched your food.'

'Chewing is hard work,' James moaned, resting his forehead against the table. 'Bloody O'Brien worked us to the bone today. You should have seen him Moony; it was like the ghost of Quidditch past had possessed him!'

Remus hummed, cutting up Sirius's bacon for him and then forcefully shoving the fork into his hands. 'Eat,' he commanded, before looking back at James. 'It's O'Brien's last year, isn't it? I heard he's aiming for professional Quidditch. A win under his belt would guarantee him a spot on a team.'

'Doesn't have to treat us like slaves,' Sirius grumbled, lifting his head. 'We're- did you change your shampoo, Moony? Smells a bit odd.' He didn't seem to notice Remus's embarrassed spluttering as he practically stuck his nose into Remus's face and sniffed like a dog. 'I don't think its shampoo; smells like…' Sirius frowned in thought and then, as if a light bulb had suddenly gone off in his head, he looked at Remus with an amused smiled. 'Are you wearing cologne, Moony?'

'I-I'm n-not!' Remus stuttered, feeling his face suddenly grow hot and his mind whirring with excuses he could give for smelling like an entire bottle of cologne.

Before he had the chance to protest, James had climbed over the table to take a whiff of Remus. 'Merlin's balls, Moony! Padfoot's right! You  _are_ wearing cologne!' He snickered, high fiving Sirius, before falling back to his seat. 'Ickle Moony's trying to be a man! All right, fess up,' James cackled, rubbing his hands together, 'who did you steal it from?'

'I-I didn't…' Remus knew it was a lost cause, when Sirius sniffed at him again and then promptly burst out laughing again. The two of them were teasing him mercilessly, but Remus couldn't hear anything past the steam blowing out of his ears. Gulping down the last of his breakfast quickly, he got up to leave as a last attempt at saving himself from utter humiliation. 'See you in class,' he muttered, his feet ready to start a fast walk out the Great Hall.

He was stopped by a familiar pair of arms wrapping around his chest, locking his arms to the sides. 'Aw, don't be like that, Moony. We're only joking. I think you smell…er…' There was a rather large pause, before Sirius seemed to find the right word: 'New,' he concluded, very satisfied with himself. 'You smell quite new, Moony, and I'm sure it'll wash off by tomorrow, so you don't need to fret so much, all right?' He seemed to be completely oblivious to Remus's disgruntled sulk, letting go when people started to look at them oddly. 'Have you gained weight by the way?' Sirius asked, sitting back down and quite blatantly checking Remus out. 'Your bum looks bleeding enormous today!'

 _So much for sexy_ , Remus thought, hiding his face in his hands.

* * *

'Pops, are you in?' Remus asked, brushing soot off his uniform. He wasn't really supposed to be here, but detention was really not a new thing for the Marauders, even for Remus who generally stayed out of trouble. It wasn't as if he was skipping class; he was done for the day and had simply skipped the Marauder's ritualistic lounge under the tree beside the Great Lake. Remus had, without much of a conscience, lied to his friends about going to the library to study and instead broken into McGonagall's office to use the Floo. It was a state of emergency, he told himself convincingly.

'Remus, what are you doing here?' William asked, coming into the living room in a pair of casual jeans and t-shirt. Being a novelist gave William the convenience of working from home, which was why Remus had know that given his dire situation, he would always find his father at home to help him. 'Why aren't you in school? Are you skipping?'

Remus shook his head and sat down on the larger of their leather couches. 'Can we talk? It's important.' William frowned, but sat down beside Remus without a word, looking at him expectantly to start the conversation. Remus swallowed heavily. 'Remember that talk we had…about bees and stingers and such things-'

'Oh, Remus, you didn't forget, did you? See, when the bees get excited, their stingers-'

'I know that!' Remus cut in quickly, covering his ears before William started another one of his sex talks. Remus had barely survived the last one; John had only made things worse with his merciless teasing and added facts that Remus virginal twelve year old ears did not need to hear. Remus thanked all the deities above that his Dad wasn't there to give advice. There were many things John Lupin was good at: sports, defence spells, fatherhood; but not advice. 'It isn't anything like that,' Remus twisted his hands awkwardly, focusing on his nails rather that William's inquisitive frown. 'I mean, it isn't about that, but it's kind of the same word, but with a "Y" attached at the end…'

'Bees-y?' William asked slowly, clearly confused.

Remus blushed bright red and mumbled something under his breath.

'Didn't hear you there, lad.'

'Sexy,' Remus clarified a little louder and then promptly hid his face behind his hair, looking strictly at the large muddy stain on his shoes. 'How can I…you know…be  _that_? What do you do to get there?'

William's shoulders shook and Remus could tell that he was trying very hard not to laugh. It was embarrassing. Sometimes, Remus wondered if having a mother would have made all this easier. Rumour had it that mothers were much more understanding and considerate, though Sirius's mother seemed to defy all odds. 'Remus, love, you're only fifteen. You don't need to be thinking about-'

'I do,' Remus interrupted. 'It's important. You don't get it, Pops, but at the risk of sounding like a complete woman while saying this: I don't think Sirius thinks I'm… _bees-y_. What if he gets bored by me and then decides there are plenty of more  _bees-y_  fish in the sea because I'm honestly not good enough since I can barely pass "adequate". I'm too thin, too tall, too  _beige_  or maybe vanilla, because people use vanilla for all things boring and-mph!' Remus's words were muffled by a firm hand on his mouth.

'Remus, you're babbling,' William stated.

The minute he removed his hand, Remus started talking again. 'But I really-mph!'

'Stop!' William scolded, rolling his eyes. 'Remus, you are fine the way you are. You're smart and probably one of the most handsome boys I've ever met.'

'You're only saying that because you're my father,' Remus replied miserably.

'Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that you are perfect as you are now. You have plenty of time to mature, Remus, so there is no point of hurrying now, is there? You'll grow into your sexy,' William declared, his face serious as if he sincerely believed it. Remus didn't think he would ever "grow into his sexy" and Sirius was hardly going to stick with him for what was probably going to be another decade. William sighed when he realised exactly what Remus was thinking. 'Look, I know how it feels, maybe better than anyone else, and I know it feels like a hopeless case right now, but it isn't. Remus, look at me,' he held Remus's face firmly between his hands. 'If Sirius really does care about you, it isn't because of what you look like or all that gobshite. He will want you for who you are and I did a damn good job raising you, because you are absolutely brilliant. All right?'

Remus nodded reluctantly. To be honest, he wasn't entirely convinced. He had come to William wanting some real advice; he had thought that William, who had never been wrong so far and always said the right things, would be able to help. But somehow, this time, it had gone wrong. Remus didn't want to know how brilliant he was in his parents' eyes. Parents would call their children brilliant, even if they had a third eye and warts all over their face.

'Good, lad,' William ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead, oblivious to Remus's misgivings. Then, tilting his head backwards, he called out to somewhere around the corner of the living room door: 'John, you can come out now. You're doing a pitiful job of eavesdropping! Your feet are showing!'

Remus watched in horror as his father came out from his hiding place with a sheepish smile on his face. He had heard everything! John Lupin, the Devil's Advocate when it came to giving advice and making things right, had heard all of Remus's embarrassing questions and insecurities. Remus groaned, bending over in half to rest his head against his forehead.

'You know, Remus, you could always-'

'John, please don't say anything,' William interrupted, much to Remus's relief.

'But, Willie, I have this great-'

'John, come on; Remus isn't feeling his best at the moment.' William ran a sympathetic hand down Remus's back, rubbing soothing circles. 'I'm sure he'll listen to all your sexy advice when he's a bit older and will actually  _need_  it.' There was a definite hint in William's voice and even without looking Remus could tell that there was very obvious message passing going on between his fathers.

It was what they always did whenever they were talking about something Remus wasn't supposed to know about, or when they were trying to flirt and inviting the other to the bedroom without being too obvious. Not that it worked, but suddenly, Remus was struck with an idea that made his trip home not so useless.

William, oblivious to Remus's epiphany, carried on talking, 'Remus  _is_ only fifteen, John. So, you don't want him getting ahead of himself, do you?'

There was a short pause, before John looked quite pointedly at Remus and blatantly replied, 'No, I don't want him having sex with that daft Black boy.'

* * *

Remus fidgeted uncomfortably, wondering if this was perhaps the stupidest idea he had ever come up with. He could hear Sirius's voice, always the loudest of the Marauders, coming closer until it stopped just outside of their dormitory door. Peter and James were laughing over something Sirius had said, and Remus realised that he had completely forgotten to count them into the equation. He had assumed that like every night, James would try to talk to Lily, Peter at his heels, while Sirius came up to bed earlier to cuddle or tussle with Remus. He hadn't counted on them suddenly breaking what was considered almost tradition.

When the door handle turned, Remus realised it was too late to back out or even move. Sirius was already coming in, his black hair looking windswept and his cheeks flushed from laughing. His eyes barely scanned the room, still mid-conversation, until his brain suddenly drew in comprehension and his laughter came to an abrupt halt. Almost immediately, Sirius closed the door, hitting James square in the face and resulting in much swearing from the other side.

'Ow, Padfoot, you fucking wanker! What the hell? Open the door!' James screamed, banging the door. The door handle rattled noisily, but Sirius had already put three very secure locking charms on them. 'Padfoot, open the fucking door before I fucking break it down! Damn it!'

Sirius didn't seem to hear a thing, his back still firmly glued to the door as he stared open mouthed and unabashedly at Remus. 'You're naked,' he stated, swallowing heavily, eyes wide as saucers. 'You are naked on my bed.'

Remus tried not to feel self conscious, as he answered quite simply, 'Yes, so I am.'

Sirius's eyes roamed over Remus's body, stopping just between his legs. He swallowed again, his mouth open and no sound coming out. Again, Remus wondered if perhaps all this was a bad idea and he should have just stuck to the conviction that he was about as sexy as a horned toad. 'Why?' Sirius rasped out finally.

Remus hadn't really counted on a question like that. What possible reason could he have to be sitting on Sirius's bed, stark naked; he had thought it was  _obvious._  Yet, Sirius had asked why and Remus had never felt more awkward his entire life. So he shrugged and said the stupidest innuendo he couldn't think of, feeling much like a bad porn star: 'I was hot.'

It seemed to have worked, because in a matter of seconds, Sirius had cast his wand aside and practically ran to the bed, his lips crashing into Remus's forcefully. Sirius's hands and lips were everywhere, as if trying to devour every inch of Remus as quickly as possible. Neck, shoulders, hands, nipples, tongue dipping into bellybutton, until Remus cried out and pulled Sirius up for another kiss while trying to get him equally naked.

'Fuck, you're so hot, Moony,' Sirius whispered hoarsely, as Remus flipped them over, so that he was the one trailing kisses down Sirius's neck, purposely biting hard so that it left a mark. He licked across Sirius's collar bone, his tongue mapping a path down to Sirius's nipple.

'Padfoot...' Remus looked up, about to say more, when he caught the look on Sirius's face. It was a look of pure pleasure: hair askew, eyes screwed shut, and breath escaping plump pink lips in soft, desperate pants. His hands were desperately running up and down Remus's back, urging him to kiss lower, past Sirius's chest to his stomach, biting down on the stretch of sensitive skin just below his navel.

Sirius wanted this; he  _wanted_ Remus.

Suddenly, feeling very brave, Remus ventured lower; his hand closing around Sirius's cock and his lips pressing hesitant kisses around the head. It tasted odd; not entirely unpleasant, but not particularly brilliant either. Remus would have pulled away, had it not been for the hitch in Sirius's breath and the loud moan that escaped his lips, as Remus swallowed as much as he could of Sirius's cock without choking.

'Oh fucking Merlin!' Sirius groaned, his hands burying themselves into Remus's hair, guiding his mouth up and down his length. 'Oh fuck, fuck,  _fuck!_ Moony, Moony,  _Remus_ , I'm going to fucking die. Shit!' Remus could feel Sirius's thighs trembling under his hands, muscles clenching tightly. Just as Sirius was about to come, he jerked Remus's head upwards and pulled him into a bruising kiss, his mouth falling open midway from the force of his orgasm. He shuddered and Remus, reached down, his hand wrapping around Sirius's cock and finishing him off.

Remus watched Sirius in awe, taking in his everything from the daze in his stormy eyes to the way his lips parted for breath, and sweat dripped down the side of his face. 'I could have...' Remus whispered, running his hands down Sirius's sides, once he'd come down from the high.

Sirius shook his head, smiling softly. 'You don't need to. You were fucking amazing, Moony,' he said, voice still gruff from the aftermath, 'I can never get over how bloody, fucking hot you are.' Remus blushed, though he felt oddly pleased when Sirius pulled him into a soft kiss, slowly pushing him into the bed. 'Now, let me return the favour...'

* * *

 


	4. The New Marauder Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

'What do you think, Prongs? What should I get him for Valentine's?' Sirius asked, despite James's exasperated eye roll. Sirius had been talking non-stop about Remus, Valentine's Day, and the significance of red hearts over pink hearts on an occasion where "feelings must be expressed in symphonies". 'I mean, I don't want to give him the same old box of chocolates and flowers are just ridiculous. I want to make it special for him, you know. I want to show him that I'm crazy about him.'

James sighed. If Remus didn't already know the extent of Sirius's "craziness" then he was bleeding blind. It was irritating.  _Remus, Remus, Remus –_ if Sirius wasn't talking about him, he was thinking about him, day dreaming about him, wanking off to him in the showers too vocally to be legal, or bloody smothering him. 'Padfoot, you still have an entire month left to decide. Stop harping about it so much already and concentrate!' He pointed an annoyed finger towards their parchment of glorified pranks, which currently had more loopholes than the cereal James ate every morning. He kicked Sirius blindly, hitting him in the shins. 'Padfoot, we need to find which passage directly leads below the Slytherin dungeons before settin-'

'Do you think Moony would wear jewellery?' Sirius interrupted thoughtfully, swinging his legs sideways and knocking James's glasses off, as he moved to lie on his back. Their beds were honestly getting too small to be lounging together; they'd overgrown their First Year pranking rituals. 'Or maybe a huge tattoo on my back with his name engraved on it forever!'

James groaned and was close to strangling Sirius, when Remus waltzed into the room, arm thrown across Peter's shoulders. 'Guess who I caught snogging Maria Thatcher in a closet during my Prefect rounds?' Remus crowed cheerfully, pushing a bright red Peter forwards and making the chubby boy stumble on his feet. 'Wormtail has been keeping  _secrets_  and by Marauder Law, punishment must rain upon his head for such heinous crime!'

James grinned, glad for some kind of distraction from Sirius's Remus obsession, and infinitely glad that at least one Marauder had remained sane. He jumped off the bed, catching Peter in a headlock and rubbing the top of his head with his knuckles. 'Wormtail, Wormy-Worm, when will you learn that there is nothing you can hide from us?' When Peter fought to get out of James's grip, James tackled him to the floor, wrestling till he had Peter's chubby arms pinned on either side. 'Oi, you two, how about we start the Marauder Inquisitio…' James trailed off, as he noticed that neither Remus nor Sirius were paying the slightest bit of attention to him.

They were engaged  _again_ and it was an engagement of utter foolishness. They were doing nothing, just silently staring at each other; Sirius sitting on the bed and Remus standing before him, their hands entwined and knees touching. They had the goofiest smiles on their faces and James could not imagine why, because they weren't speaking at all. Just staring and staring and  _staring._ It was infuriating! James was just about to wrench them apart, when Peter spoke up from underneath him:

'How brilliant would Exploding Snap be right now?' He cheered with fake enthusiasm. He was trying to dissuade the tension, James could tell. There were many things Peter was not, smart being a chief trait, but he was perceptive and he could feel the unease with which James watched Sirius rub Remus's forearm in slow motion. Either that or Peter simply wanted to save himself from being further squished under James's weight.

'Yeah,' Sirius muttered distractedly, not even sparing a glance at Peter as he continued to place kisses on Remus's knuckles. 'Yeah, we should play. Haven't played in ages…' They had played only last week, James having to painfully grow back the little mustache on his upper lip that he had been ridiculously proud of. James hadn't mentioned it to anyone, but he had cried a little from its loss; being manly was difficult when you were fifteen, more so when being manly linked to impressing a certain red-head.

James was, however, glad when Remus (the sensible of the two mutts) pulled away and sat beside James (who was still perched on his throne of Peter). 'Get the cards, then, Wormtail. We'll try to avoid James's  _mustache_  this time.' He winked and James turned red, horrified from the idea that Remus  _knew._  'Come on, Padfoot. I know how you like winning this game.'

Sirius, who had been whining almost dog-like at the loss of contact, grinned, pushing James out of the way and taking his place beside Remus. James glared at him angrily; they were doing it  _again!_  Sirius simply stuck out his tongue and leaned back against Remus, so that his head was pillowed on the other boy's shoulder. He smiled up cheekily, before rubbing his hands together and summoning Peter's pack of card, screaming: ' _Let the games begin!'_

The " _games_ " didn't last for very long, before Sirius and Remus had gotten distracted once more, much to James's displeasure. Sirius had, if possible, slid closer to Remus, sitting in between Remus's legs, his own outstretched and toes wiggling as he distractedly landed one card after another. He had fished out a crumpled bar of chocolate from somewhere deep within his pockets and was currently busy breaking it into small pieces, ready to be fed to a wholly willing Remus. Bashful Remus, who had, in their First Year, been too shy to go shirtless in a room full of boys. Now, he didn't blink an eye as Sirius clung to him like a lost mutt and fed him moldy chocolate, insisting on licking the remains of his fingers as he did.

It was annoying. So fucking annoying that despite all their lovesick cuddling, Sirius was winning. Before, Sirius would have gloated and goaded and sung high and mighty praises of himself and his prowess at Exploding Snap. Sirius would have laughed as Peter's eyebrows singed off with a _'Snap!'_ and made fun of James endlessly when his hair would turn white from smoke. Remus would have tried to save Peter's eyebrows, while trying to stifle his own laughter and admonishing Sirius and James halfheartedly. They would have, but now, all Sirius did was smile like a ponce as Remus wrapped an arm around his waist.

'Can the two of you just give it a break already?' James yelled finally, the nerve in his eye twitching as he threw his cards angrily to the floor.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Problem, Prongs?'

'You!' James pointed. 'The two of you are my problem! You're bloody all over each other all the time! Is it too much to ask to play  _one_  game without the two of you trying to get into each other's pants?'

Sirius frowned, sitting up stiffly, Remus's arms falling from his waist. 'Where is this going, Prongs?' he asked, his tone starting to have hard edge to it. 'Just say it properly. Let's get everything cleared and on the table.'

James gritted his teeth, pushing away Peter when he tried to protest. He could see Remus tense behind Sirius, rearing up to stop a fight if necessary. 'I'm getting tired of your constant cuddling and snuggling and…and  _feeding_ each other things! It's bloody ridiculous the way you two obsess over each other.  _I like you…no, I like you more…no, I like you the most!_ ' He mocked in bad Remus and Sirius impressions, knowing very well that they had never had a sappy conversation to that extent. 'Padfoot, I can't get two words past you because all you're thinking of is what to buy Moony, what Moony is doing, what Moony looks like! You were fine before, but you fuck each other over the summer and suddenly, you're both acting like bloody ponces! You two see each other every waking hour of the day, so why do you feel the need to have to flaunt and parade and bloody cuddle  _all the bleeding time!'_

Sirius stood up angrily, silencing Remus with a hand as he tried to protest. 'You know, I have  _never_  complained about you harping on and on about Evans! It's always Lily this and Lily that, and how she's the fucking goddess of ginger!' His hand closed around Remus's protectively, even as he glared back at James defensively. 'If you have a fucking problem with us being gay, then-'

'I don't give a sod if you're gay!' James screamed, standing up and shoving Sirius by the shoulders.

Sirius shoved back with a derisive snort. 'Of course you don't,' he replied sarcastically, 'you just can't stand the fact that we're together. If it had been you and Evans-'

'Lily and I are different!' James growled angrily, his fists clenching.

'How? Why are  _you_  any different from  _us_?' This was asked, to James's surprise, by Remus, who had suddenly come in front of Sirius as a shield, his hands balled into tight fists.

'Because she's not a Marauder,' James replied, moving away. He wouldn't hit Remus; Sirius was different, but Remus and Peter were people James would never lay a hand on. Peter because he hadn't the strength to fight back and Remus because he had too much of it and could easily take James down. 'She's not a Marauder,' James continued watching all three of his friends shocked expressions. 'It wouldn't matter if we were together, because at the end of the day, when it would be just us lads, we'd still be the Marauders. We would still be best mates and all of you would be my first fucking priority. It wouldn't be the Sirius and Remus show! I wouldn't fucking ignore you to go snog some bird, even if it  _is_  Lily.'

Remus's fists unclenched and he looked at James with something akin to disbelief. 'That's not-'

'Fuck it,' James cut him off, grabbing his jacket from where he'd thrown it before, on the floor. 'You guys want it to be just the two of you; that's just fine with me. I'm going flying.' He summoned his broom, ignoring Sirius's set jaw of anger and Remus's protests as he looked pointedly at Peter. 'You coming, Wormtail?'

* * *

Sirius glared at the canopy above him, hands behind his head and legs bent at the knees. He felt the bed dip beside him and snorted, feeling a little resentful towards Remus for coming to him only now: at bedtime, two hours after their heated argument with James. They had avoided speaking about it the entire time, Remus hurrying off to library to presumably do homework he had already done.

'Are you too afraid to sit close to me now because of what Prongs said?' Sirius asked, still taking out his anger on the crimson curtains surrounding his bed. Part of him feared that Remus  _was_ afraid now; of their growing proximity, of their relationship. Which was why he breathed an inward sigh of relief when he felt a head rest on his chest, and thin, wiry arms wrap around his waist. He wound his own arms around Remus's bony shoulders, dropping a chaste kiss to his forehead. Was it really that wrong to want this?

As if reading his thoughts, Remus asked, 'Do you think Prongs is right about us?'

'Do  _you_?' Sirius asked, almost dreading the answer.

Remus shrugged.

'Fuck him,' Sirius cursed with contempt growing inside of him. 'Fuck him.' As if in reply, there was a loud snore from the bed beside his – James's bed.

'I think,' Remus said slowly, almost as if he didn't want to be talking, 'I think, that he's just feeling a little left out. You're his best mate and…' he trailed off, biting his lips and looking up at Sirius with large, amber eyes. 'I-' He looked away, tightening his hold on Sirius's waist. 'I understand where he's coming from and that need to…' Again, Remus left his sentence incomplete.

'What do you want to do, then?' Sirius asked, running his fingers through Remus's light brown hair, watching as the strands fell back in soft waves. 'We keep away from each other in front of the whole school; do we have to do the same in our own room now? This is it?' He gestured towards their entwined bodies. 'A few stolen moments at night, behind curtains; that's all we get?' Even saying it felt like a death sentence. 'What if Prongs has a problem with us sharing beds after that; because it's what fucking  _ponces_ do? Then what?'

'Then we stay ponces,' Remus replied firmly, with so much conviction that it surprised Sirius into silence. 'Look, Padfoot, all I'm saying is maybe we should tone it down a little. Prongs is right; we see each other all day so it isn't as if we're being separated. There's no need to feel threatened, right?' Remus didn't sound too confident of himself as he said this. Perhaps it was because neither of them knew  _how_ to stay apart. If they did this, Sirius would no longer know how to act around Remus; what was considered appropriate and what not? What would he say? Could he still sit beside Remus during meals? How much touching was too much touching?

'Right,' Sirius replied hollowly.

Remus, noting Sirius's temperament, smiled softly and leaned up to press a chaste kiss to his lips. 'Do you really talk about me all the time?' He chuckled when Sirius turned a bright red, entwining their fingers together. 'Me too,' Remus whispered, brushing the tips of their noses as he moved closer, 'I think of you all the time, too.'

* * *

Peter wasn't too bright a lad. James told him that he had good perception but then again, James always saw the best in people. He thought Remus's condition was nothing but a furry little problem, and Sirius's severe anger management issues were nothing but childish tantrums. Then again, everyone had problems. James had problems with power, where he often felt threatened when their group dynamics shifted and things weren't quite going according to his plans. He was a very accepting fellow, one that Peter admired to no end, but James's drawback was what had caused his not so small outburst yesterday. If Peter were to admit the truth, he did think Remus and Sirius tended to be a little "snuggly" off late, but he didn't mind it as much as James did. Peter had more burgeoning problems to think of, such as his growing obesity and how Maria would turn blue under him during their snog sessions.

However, there was another problem brewing between the Marauders and though it took Peter an entire week to notice (by which the problem had already brewed and was overflowing), he did notice the distinct awkwardness between Remus and Sirius. James, who had calmed down from their fight the very next day, did too, but did not say anything until Peter's moment of eureka.

'Do you think they had a fight?' James asked, leaning in to whisper into Peter's ear.

Peter shrugged, staring at his breakfast thoughtfully. Remus and Sirius always sat close to each other, during meals, classes, even in the busy Common Room after class.  _Always_ ; even back in First Year, but now there was a calculated gap between them, almost a palm's worth, and it looked so very  _awkward._ It wasn't just that; they kept their distance even in the dormitory, when it was just the four of them. Remus no longer towel dried Sirius's hair in the morning and Sirius didn't help Remus with his school tie; they didn't whisper or send dirty notes to each other during class; they didn't even hold hands anymore. It broke their routine and the chemistry of things; much like the time when Peter decided to go on a diet and cut down on his food. It had just felt  _wrong._  Even other Gryffindor were beginning to notice the distinct  _off-ness_  in the Marauder chemistry.

James fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, trying his best to strike a conversation, 'So, how about that crazy weather, eh?'

Remus looked up at the Great Hall ceiling and hummed, 'Quite white, the snow and all.'

'Yes,' Sirius agreed, chewing on a strip of bacon. 'White, indeed.'

'Almost as white as yesterday,' Remus continued, eyes reflecting snowflakes that were falling outside.

'But not quite,' Sirius finished, looking at Remus dazedly; then just as quickly turning his eyes away. Sirius had never brushed up a chance to stare at Remus before. Peter had once caught Sirius staring at Remus while he was asleep in class, his half closed eyes directed towards the other boy. 'Day before though…that is a whole other story.'

James groaned. They were all saved from having to continue their awkward conversation when the post arrived. Peter watched for his owl, Heather, who sure enough, had yet another package from his mother. This time it was filled with her homemade brownies and Peter mouth watered right onto his plate from the thought of eating them later. He could see Remus's and James's owls drop their customary weekly letters of concern; James's landing right into his bowl of cereal with a  _plop_ and splashing milk on his face.

Sirius never bothered looking up with the rest of them; the only thing he ever received from back home were Howlers. Mrs. Black was a scary woman, even when she was nothing but a voice in a letter, screeching across the halls. Sirius always played it off, sniggering and making faces as she called him a disgrace and a bastard child. The staff would always gasp in shock at her cruelty, while the students would cringe and sometimes marvel at Sirius's rebellious attitude. Peter, up until their Third Year, was one of many admirers. It had all changed in the summer after that, when the Marauders had witnessed Mrs. Black slapping Sirius hard across the cheek. Sirius had played as he always did, but Peter hadn't been able to stop staring at the bright red handprint over Sirius's pale skin. James had clapped Sirius on the back like he always did and Remus had held his hand like he always did. Only Peter had walked behind awkwardly, thinking that this had probably not been the first time.

Even now, Peter didn't fail to notice the surreptitious glances Sirius sent towards the Slytherin table, where his younger brother, Regulus Black, sat with an armful of packages.

Remus had noticed too and his hand stretched out, almost as if wanting to touch Sirius's shoulder but then stopped midway and fell back to his side.

James hadn't noticed Sirius, but he had noticed Remus and shifted uneasily in his seat yet again. 'I think they  _are_ fighting,' he said in a worried tone. 'They're never like this. It must be something serious.'

Just as Peter was about to reply, McGonagall appeared behind him, lips thinner than an anorexic lizard and bun tighter than Narcissa Black's arse. 'Mr. Pettigrew, may I have a word with you. You're not in any kind of trouble,' she clarified exasperatedly, when Peter shot her a worried look. They hadn't really done that many pranks this year because of OWLs preparations and Sirius's current (though now on the rocks, it seemed) obsession with Remus. She rounded up on him as soon as they were out of earshot, her presence looming and frighteningly intimidating. 'Tell me, Mr. Pettigrew, is everything all right? Have you gotten into any trouble lately?' She sighed at Peter's nervous squeak and waved a hand towards where the rest of the Marauders were sitting. 'Black and Lupin; they seemed to have been hexed. Perhaps you should take them to the Hospital Wing before class.'

* * *

Remus's hands itched.

'You all right there, Padfoot?'

 _Longing._  Intense desperation to touch, to feel, to have the smallest bit of contact that reassured that Sirius was his. It hurt. This kind of longing was painful in a way that it felt like a loss; a hole carving into Remus every second he spent pretending.

'Bit of a headache; I think I'll go up early.'

Remus stared at his hands, his ears keenly listening to the sound of Sirius's footsteps fading away up the dormitory stairs. His hands itched.

'I'm going to go up, too,' Remus mumbled, not bothering to listen to Peter's  _whys_  and James's  _stays_. He clenched his fists as he walked up the stairs, his nails digging into his itchy palms. They were starting to sweat from anticipation, blood pumping into Remus's ears in quick staccato beats. Swallowing heavily, he opened the door to see Sirius sitting at the windowsill, knees up casually and looking straight at Remus as if he had been expecting him. He probably had.

Remus practically ran that seemingly endless distance, stopping only when he stood between Sirius's legs, his hands resting on Sirius's knees. He watched. His eyes took in every inch of Sirius that had been forbidden: the way his hair fell past his ears; the stormy grey in his eyes; his lips, parted as if waiting, waiting when Remus would close the distance between them. Remus didn't; not before he touched. His hands mapped the lines of Sirius's thighs, moving over his jutting hip bones and then the firm angles of his chest. Sirius was panting now, grey eyes never leaving Remus's amber; his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

'Moony,' he pleaded and Remus pressed their lips together, discarding skill for the heat that coursed through him as their tongues met and teeth clashed in desperation. Even when they broke apart, Remus held him tightly, cheek resting on shoulder as they caught their breath. 'I missed you,' Sirius said softly, his hands rubbing Remus's back, moving up to push his fingers into Remus's hair. 'I know it's daft and you were there the entire time, but I fucking missed you. I don't know how long I can do this, Moony. I feel like I can't even touch you without it being blatantly obvious.'

Remus nodded. Part of him wanted to voice his longings, just as much as his fears. His old fears of not being enough, of being too beige, too boring, too unattractive; his fear that if this was how they would have to go about their relationship that Sirius wouldn't want him anymore. 'Are you all right?' he asked instead, pulling away only slightly to see Sirius's face. 'This morning…'

'It's nothing,' Sirius lied, shaking his head and leaning against Remus again.

'It isn't nothing,' Remus pressed, fingers tracing the nape of Sirius's neck, 'it's never nothing.'

Sirius shrugged. 'I'm scared,' he said quietly conceding, his voice muffled by Remus's shoulder, his breath hot even through Remus's oxford. 'Mother has always favoured Regulus over me, the stupid snot, but at least before, she would scream at me for being a fucking shame. I hated it, but at least I  _existed_. I spent Christmas with the Potters this year because Mother wouldn't even look at me the entire holiday. I hate her, I want to get out of that stupid house all the time, but I don't want to be fucking invisible. Moony,' he clutched the back of Remus's shirt tightly, 'I feel as if everyone is slipping away from me, even you. And it scares me…'

Remus's chest hurt. Sirius didn't talk about his family beyond choice curses and damnations, not even to Remus. It explained the sudden rise in pranks and detention last year. They had just been a desperate plea for acknowledgement and attention. It hurt. It hurt because Sirius hurt.

'Prongs is right; we are becoming bloody birds – talking about feelings and such.' Sirius laughed weakly, pushing Remus away gently. 'I'm sure I sound ridiculous to you.'

'When I was bitten,' Remus said suddenly, not quite looking Sirius in the eyes. 'Dad told Pops-William that if he wanted to leave, he could. Because technically, I wasn't really his son; not by blood, and he wasn't compelled to stay.' Remus gazed outside towards the half moon and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. 'Pops was so hurt. Dad wasn't thinking straight when he said it; maybe he was trying to protect Pops, but it was still a cruel thing to say. So he really did leave. It was only for a day and he…he slept with someone else. It was the only time I've ever seen either of them cry.' He bit his lip, looking up at Sirius earnestly, hoping he would understand without Remus having to say much more. A secret for a secret - an exchange of trust. 'I was scared then. I was scared that I would lose my family…'

Sirius stood in silence for a while and then smiled crookedly. 'Thanks.'

Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and shrugged. Revealing a secret he had kept for years suddenly made him feel very vulnerable and open. He accepted Sirius's arms pulling him in yet again, holding him close; assuring that his secret was safe. There was very little that Sirius did not know about Remus, most of which Remus never had to reveal. Somehow, Sirius always seemed to  _know_ ; a part of their relationship that terrified Remus. It meant that Remus had already handed himself over to Sirius to do as he pleased. 'Padfoot, we sh-'

Remus was cut off when the dormitory door swung open. Both of them sprung back quickly when they saw James walking in, Remus nearly stumbling on his feet and Sirius hitting his head on the glass pane. James only frowned at the two of them and Remus had only just begun to wonder if their proximity was still too intimate, when James marched towards them and suddenly shoved Sirius right into Remus.

'What the fuck, mate!' Sirius cried, barely keeping his balance and painfully bumping chests and noses with Remus.

'Stay that way!' James yelled back, pointing a warning finger towards them. 'Stop acting weird! There's now a new Marauder rule in place,' he commanded loudly, though without much heat. His eyes were carefully avoiding looking at their faces. 'There is an issue of space in this dormitory for all four of us, what with Wormtail's growing love affair with food. So…so…minimal distance between the two of you! Otherwise there will be repercussions!' James blushed brightly, pushing Sirius into Remus one last time, before marching to his own bed and shutting the curtains with a gruff, 'Goodnight.'

Remus and Sirius simply stared.

* * *

 


	5. Socks and Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

'What we must remember is the crucial flick of the wrist when dealing with animal transfiguration. What students often forget is that an animal is a living being and unlike…'

Sirius stared at the back of Remus's head dreamily, ignoring James's fifth kick to his shins to get his attention. Sirius didn't understand what James wanted; they had already discussed numerous prank possibilities and honestly, Sirius knew the entire plan almost as well as he knew Remus's gorgeous body. It wasn't as if he didn't like sitting near James in class; they were best mates after all and neither of them paid much attention to class like Remus did. Also, it was good to keep distance between himself and Remus when they were around other people to avoid suspicions. But some days, much like today, Sirius's heart ached to be with Remus. So did his cock.

Biting his lip, Sirius quickly tore off a corner of his parchment and jotted down his deepest feelings quickly, before balling up the note and throwing it over Remus's shoulder. It landed right on top of Remus's notes and read in elegant cursive:  _Can we have sex?_

'Here?' Remus yelled, suddenly rising off his seat and glaring at Sirius the minute he read the note. The class went silent and Remus looked at everyone awkwardly, gulping loudly when he noticed Professor McGonagall's thin lips and raised eyebrow. 'Here is my quill!' Remus cheered loudly, snatching James's quill from his hand. 'Now that I have found it, I will sit down quietly and take notes.' He coughed and quickly sat down, trying not to look at anyone and consequently staring too hard at the crumpled parchment that Sirius had sent him.

'As I was saying before Mr. Lupin's outburst, animal transfiguration is a series of complex…'

Once the class had resumed back to normal, Sirius saw the scratch of Remus's angry quill before the ball of parchment hit him square in the forehead and plopped down on his lip. James sniggered beside him, trying to read over his shoulders, but Sirius pushed him away:  _I'd rather not give McGonagall a show._

Sirius huffed, rolling his eyes and passing over the note again:  _I meant for Valentine's Day, before that dinner thing with your parents. Can we, you know, seal the deal? Put the lock in the key, the drawer in the dresser, the hand in the sleeve?_

Remus's back tensed and for a while, Sirius watched him intently for any reaction, feeling his throat dry up as each second passed in silence. Maybe he'd asked too soon. They'd only just started experimenting with each other's bodies; Sirius should have waited at least until next year to ask. Sirius should have been more patient, but there was a sort of molten lava of desire that bubbled forth every time they were together. This feeling of wanting more because he felt somehow incomplete and a little bit insecure. If Sirius could have all of Remus, that would mean their love was complete; that Remus was Sirius's alone and no one could steal him away.

After what felt like hours, Remus's hand reached back and slipped the crumpled parchment in front of him:  _We'll need a couple of things…_

Sirius frowned and looked down at his crotch:  _Last I checked, we already had them._

He snickered as he watched the tips of Remus's ears turn steadily red. James rolled his eyes. 'I can't believe you're sending dirty notes  _again!_ Aren't you tired of it already?'

'Don't play all high and mighty. I saw you sending that little note to Evans when you thought I wasn't looking.' When James huffed in indignation, Sirius stuck out his tongue in reply. 'Given the disgusted look Evans is giving you, I'm guessing that was another one of your cheesy  _lurve_ poems.' He easily dodged James's attempted swipe, grinning toothily when McGonagall shot him a stern glare.

Remus still hadn't replied, so Sirius, growing impatient by the minute, tore up another corner of parchment and quickly scribbled down:  _I'm always the first for bribery, Moony-baby. Whatever it is you need, I will fight through raging storms, wild, forests, and angry flobberworms, until I get it for you._

Sirius didn't need to be able to see Remus's face to see his exasperated eye roll, before hastily scribbling down:  _We need_ _socks_ _…for our things…_

Sirius blinked, trying to comprehend the note. If Remus's writing wasn't ridiculously clear Sirius would have questioned his literacy. Right now, he was only questioning Remus's sanity:  _Socks? Didn't Mrs. Potter knit you a pair this Christmas?_

Remus huffed loudly, his irritation almost distracting from the steady rise of blood to the werewolf's neck and ears. Sirius imagined that if he could see Remus's face right now, it would be as crimson as their bed curtains – a lovely shade on Remus's pale skin, Sirius imagined, if they were actually behind bed curtains and he was having his wicked way with Remus. Which brought his attention to the pressing topic at hand and Remus's next note:  _Please don't make me say it. Just…use your head, all right? Socks are used to_ _protect_ _your feet._

Sirius was just about to write back when McGonagall's stern face loomed over his head and he looked up to see her standing at their desk, hands on her hips and lips growing thinner by the second. 'Stand up, Mr. Black.' When Sirius tried to surreptitiously stash away the note as he stood, she put her hand out. He gulped. 'Give it here then; I'm sure the rest of the class would like to know what it was that seemed more important than paying attention in class?'

Remus turned to give him a look of panic. Not wanting their sex life to be on display just yet, Sirius did the first thing he could think of: he crumpled the note and shoved it past his trousers and into his underpants. 'Don't know what you're talking about, Professor,' he replied cheekily, despite his heart beating quickly; both at the possible consequences of his actions and at Remus's shocked eyes drifting down to the prominent bulge in his crotch that was going to have very little to do with the note inside very soon. 'I am absolutely enthralled by your classes. Nothing could take me away from the joys of animal transfiguration.'

McGonagall's lip just about disappeared, her face turning steadily red. Sirius wondered if she wasn't too prudish to simply summon the note from his pants. 'Twenty points, Mr. Black. Detention if I catch you again. You will sit as you are and are forbidden to leave the class until it's over.'

By the end of the day, Sirius had, never in his life, suffered such severe paper cuts.

* * *

'Moony, come with me,' Sirius whined pitifully, making his eyes purposefully round and wide in an attempt at Remus's sympathy. 'I can't do this alone, Moony, please.'

Remus blushed even brighter, 'You promised, Padfoot. Fight through raging storms, wild, forests, and angry flobberworms, and all that gob. Besides, it'll just look suspicious if I come along.' He pushed Sirius forcefully, but the petulant boy dug his heels into the ground, causing dirt to collect under his shoes. 'Padfoot, it was your idea. You couldn't convince Prongs to do it, so now it's your mission.'

'Prongs is a bloody coward; fucking bigger pansy than the both of us put together,' Sirius grumbled, clinging on to Remus's forearms and standing his ground. 'Evans might think I'm sleeping around, Padfoot,' he mocked in a high-pitched tone that sounded nothing like James and very much like Professor Sprout, 'girls don't like players!' Sirius snorted in disgust. 'Evans doesn't like conceited gits either but that never stopped him.'

'Padfoot, please stop complaining,' Remus pleaded, pulling Sirius's grip from his arms and looking around to see if anyone found them suspicious. 'The shop closes in fifteen minutes. I didn't sneak into Hogsmeade with you for nothing; my prefect status could be in serious jeopardy if we get caught, you know.'

'Fine,' Sirius replied gruffly, shooting Remus a glare that said that he was going to be angry with the werewolf for the rest of the day and maybe even the day after. 'Fine, I'll get it, but if he throws me out, then we're… _we're still doing it!_ ' Puffing his chest outwards, Sirius marched into the dingy little shop, trying to look as mature as possible with his severe lack of chest hair, wide eyes, and slightly roundish jaw. He was doomed, he realised, as his eyes scanned the rows of shelves with desperation, tactfully trying to avoid the questioning stares of shop attendants.

The door closed behind him with a soft  _thud_ and Sirius chanced one last look outside, only to have his chest fall in disappointment when he found Remus nowhere in sight. Remus was a traitor of a boyfriend and Sirius would make him pay dearly. Stinging crabs in his underpants; singing pixies in the shower; pus bombs on the seat of his chair – Sirius's mind went through a thousand possibilities before his plans for vengeance was rudely interrupted by a purposeful cough.

'Is there something I can help you with,  _sir?_ ' Sirius looked up at the man towering above him; his dull green eyes hidden behind a fringe of snow white hair that matched his long beard. His red shirt clashed horribly with his beige pants, both of which hung loosely on his body. Oddly enough, he looked like Santa Claus on a diet – unhappy and painfully thin. 'What are you looking for?'

Sirius broke into a fit of coughs, just barely mumbling his answer, 'Chkjsm…'

The man frowned. 'I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you.'

Sirius felt his face grow hot, but he looked right into the man's eyes and replied with fake confidence: 'Condoms.'

Both of the man's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and Sirius tried hard not to look away from embarrassment at the incredulous look the shopkeeper sent him. The man's eyes looked him up and down, as if trying to judge how old Sirius was and if this would be a legal transaction. Sirius sincerely hoped he at least looked a double digit. Thankfully, the surprise only lasted a painful few seconds, before the man adjusted his expression to a more neutral tone. 'What kind?' the man asked gruffly, turning away and rummaging through small boxes on the last shelf to his right.

Sirius cleared his throat. 'I'm sorry?'

'What kind do you want?' the man asked in an exasperated tone.

Sirius didn't know there were different kinds. Remus hadn't told him anything of the sort and Remus had already had  _the_   _talk_ from his parents. 'W-What kind are there?' Sirius asked unsurely, his eyes darting across the boxes that the shopkeeper seemed to be piling up in his arms. It looked like he was trying to build a model skyscraper and Sirius watched warily as he put them down on the counter. Lewd moving pictures of naked women danced across some of the covers, and Sirius looked away, feeling an embarrassed flush spread hotly across his face.

'Hm, regular, tingling, ticklers, coloured, shaped, warming, studded, edible, extra thin, flavoured, and glow in the dark…' he replied with practiced ease, looking at Sirius expectantly with a raised eyebrow. 'So which will be it be, stud?'

Sirius bit his lip and looked back again, disappointed despite knowing that Remus would keep well out of sight. He coughed awkwardly again, wondering why anyone would want their dicks to glow in the dark. 'So,' he shuffled his feet and looked towards the door again. He fiddled with the change in his pocket, finding an odd comfort in the jingling. He coughed again, trying to look like a man rather than a pathetic little blushing semi-virgin. 'I don't suppose you have chocolate flavoured in there, do you?'

* * *

'Hey, that dog stole my lotion!'

What looked like rather large black bear came bounding across the shore of the Great Lake, a pink bottle of cherry blossom lotion in his mouth and grey eyes sparkling with doggy mischief. His paws splashed purposefully in the water as he skidded in front of Remus Lupin, jumping up and down to garner attention and a good scratch to his head. The mutt's boundless energy coiled in its hind legs and like a spring, it leapt up and tackled Remus to the ground, grinning through the prize in his mouth, tail wagging furiously behind him. It looked like the beast was trying to eat the rather thin boy, who seemed less sickly than usual but not any less pale.

'Padfoot, I can't breathe,' Remus cried when the dog's tongue began to lay sloppy kisses all over his neck and face. 'Get off, you filthy mutt! Padfoot!' He screamed with laughter, when Padfoot nosed his way into Remus's shirt, whiskers tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. 'You're lucky that girl didn't follow you here; I told you we could just buy some at the store.'

Dog features melted into human, the long coat of its fur shortening to a burst of silky hair on top of the boy's head. 'I'm not going through that embarrassment again,' Sirius grumbled, making no effort to get off Remus's hips. Now that it was no longer a dog sitting on Remus and just the right amount of pressure pushing into his pelvis, Remus felt himself grow slightly hard. It didn't help that he knew perfectly well what was to come, once all the students had cleared out for their Hogsmeade trip. Today was "the day".

He pushed Sirius away roughly. 'You shouldn't transform so easily here. Someone could have seen you. Padfoot!' He snatched his hand away when Sirius tried to hold it, looking around warily to see if anyone had noticed. Thankfully, the grounds were empty except for a pair or First Years making their way to Hagrid's Hut. 'Stop it!' he chided gently, when Sirius made an annoyed face.

'There is no one here, Moony,' Sirius groaned, trying to grab Remus's hand again only to be swatted away a second time. 'Why can't you, for once-'

'Padfoot, you know very well why.'

'Because people would start figuring out your furry little problem; just from the fact that you're gay?' Sirius spat angrily.

'Because your brother would squeal on you and I can't-' Remus stood up, suddenly not wanting Sirius to see the probable look of anguish on his face. 'She hurts you, Padfoot. I don't care,' he cut in before Sirius can open his mouth in protest, 'I don't care if you can take it because I fucking can't. That one time I just barely kept myself from hexing her; Prongs, too. I'm trying to protect you.'

A range of emotions flickered through Sirius's face before he exhaled a resigned sigh. 'I just wanted to hold your hand, Moony.'

Remus had a feeling that Sirius wasn't quite satisfied with the explanation and probably wanted to argue more, but kept his mouth shut to avoid ruining what was either going to be the most memorable day of their lives or the most disastrous. Remus sincerely hoped it was the former. Feeling the need to lift Sirius's mood and in a moment of complete spontaneity, he grabbed Sirius by the wrist and jumped into the lake, clothes and all. Sirius was only allowed a yell of surprise before he was spluttering water and trying not to laugh while shooting Remus a disapproving glare.

'You bastard!' He cried, climbing up Remus's shoulder and dunking Remus's head in the water. 'You absolute wanker! These were my last pair of clean pants!'

'You could always wear mine,' Remus winked, giving the elastic of Sirius's underpants a sharp tug and laughing at the yelp of pain that followed. 'Or you could just not wear any; Merlin knows I'd enjoy that.'

Sirius stared for a while before breaking into raucous laughter. 'Why, Moony, my love, I do believe I'm being a horrible influence on you. Who would think,' he waded clumsily towards Remus, his wet clothes steadily weighing him down, 'that Mr. Perfect Prefect could be such a dirty little pervert.' His hand drifted to the crotch of Remus's trousers, stroking him lightly underwater. Waves rippled sending them further towards the shore. The look of pure lust of Remus's face had Sirius wanting to move closer, but that wasn't something he could as easily hide under water. 'Hey,' Sirius whispered, his voice coming out hoarse and more than a little desperate. 'Do you want to go back in?' He applied a little more pressure, his fingers outlining Remus's growing erection before pulling away. Remus could only give him a breathless nod in reply before the both of them were scrambling to get out of the water as soon as possible, not caring about the state of their clothes as they rushed to the castle, leaving trails of muddy footprints and handprints across cream coloured walls, and wet clothes across the floors of their dormitory.

'Merlin, you're so hot…' Sirius panted, chest heaving as if he'd run a marathon. Remus didn't miss the way his eyes hungrily travelled down Remus's body, mapping the glistening trail of water that his clothes had left behind and then lower. Sirius's gaze was almost predatory, sending that thrill of excitement course through Remus's body, and sedate the raging self conscious he'd felt all morning. How long had he spent scrubbing himself with layers of soap just to smell nice; that extra careful shave in all opposing directions of the compass; the extra scrub of his tongue with his toothbrush that had him gagging painfully; and purposefully wearing the shirt Sirius had picked for him on his birthday (not that it was of much use now – being wet and discarded to the floor). He'd done all of this for just that one hungry, lust filled gaze that put Remus's jealousy to ease and made him feel like the only man in Sirius's world. It was the power to drive Sirius wild.

And then suddenly, Sirius's gaze mellowed and he reached out for both of Remus's hands, holding them tightly within his. 'Moony, I-'

Remus's heart sped up.

'I hope this is okay,' Sirius continued, oblivious to the way Remus's chest deflated just a little. 'I don't want to do something you don't want to.' His thumbs rubbed slow circles over Remus's knuckles. 'If you want to stop, I'd understand…'

Sirius didn't look like he would survive the ordeal of Remus actually refusing. 'We're already naked,' he pointed out instead, his heart fluttering madly at the grin that broke out on Sirius's face. Dumbly, he let himself be pulled to the bed, sitting down awkwardly with his legs underneath him and feeling quite at a loss of what to do next. Sirius plopped down in front of him, eyes looking at him expectantly from beneath his lashes. He wanted to; dear Merlin, he wanted to do  _something_  but despite having spent numerous nights together, he felt  _retarded_. 'Do we have everything?' he asked, licking his dry lips.

Sirius nodded, stalling as he carefully arranged the packet of condoms and lotion beside their feet. His hands were trembling and then suddenly, he lurched, planting a quick kiss on Remus's cheek. It was the oddest thing he'd ever done and Remus's expression must have clearly expressed so, because Sirius blushed brightly and shot him a sheepish grin. 'Sorry,' he said softly, before grabbing Remus's face and kissing him, this time, for real. Hard and fast, tongues quick to war and hands exploring mapped and memorised territories. They were shifting back to their old rhythm – the one they had spent so many nights perfecting, leaving Remus gasping and moaning Sirius's name like a prayer, and cursing the clever tongue that dipped in all the right places and those sinful lips that worshipped every inch of his body.

'Sirius,' Remus panted, stilling him with a hand on either side of the other boy's face, 'Sirius, if you keep this up, I'm going to…' He closed his eyes, bringing himself to calm down if only a little. He was failing miserably. 'We should…I mean…now would be the right time for…' Remus was glad he didn't have to say more, laying back and trying to steel himself for the pain that was sure to come. He had volunteered to go first after all, though he hadn't mentioned to Sirius that he'd only done so because he was more tolerant of pain than most boys his age. He bit his lip when he felt the first bitterly cold intrusion, only just holding back a gasp. All the books he'd read in preparation had told him to  _relax –_ Remus wanted to chuck them at the writer's head and ask exactly  _how_  he was supposed to do that when every cell of his body was screaming from discomfort and pain, and  _no no no no._

'Remus, relax,' Sirius whispered softly, bestowing him with feather light kisses all over his face; and suddenly, Remus understood how. 'All right?' Sirius waited for Remus's nod of affirmative before trying again, a little more carefully; his eyes boring into him and watching every single flit of expression on his face. Sirius's face was screwed comically in concentration. 'Moony, I'm sorry…' Sirius apologised, though Remus wasn't sure why. 'I'm really, really sorry,' and then his eyes widened in surprise when Remus replied with a jerk of his body and a moan so loud that it seemed to echo in their small dormitory. 'Did I-'

'Again,' Remus keened, shielding his eyes from shame and want at the same time. 'Padfoot,  _again_ …'

It was like nothing he had ever felt; the shock and burst of pleasure that made his toes curl and throw him into an almost impatient anticipation – pulling Sirius in closer and  _begging_ him to just fucking hurry. He found himself moving almost involuntarily, spreading his legs wider and wrapping them around Sirius's waist tightly to pull him  _in._ It was agony – the intrusion burned and Remus was sure a scream had ripped out of his throat at some point, but it was worth it. It was worth the look on Sirius's face as he struggled to keep a slow pace and his elbows bent shakily as pleasure ploughed through him.

'Oh fucking Merlin,' Sirius moaned, burying his face into Remus's neck, sweat soaked strands of dark hair sticking to Remus's skin. 'Fuck, it's so _tight_ , Moony, I can't-'

Sirius couldn't.

He'd barely lasted past a few thrusts, before he was coming and Remus had to hold him tightly to his chest till the violent shudders that wracked his body settled down to a gentle hum. And even then, Sirius's hand had kept moving on him, waiting. Waiting until Remus lost himself in bright lights behind his eyelids and the heat that scorched his skin till it had left a scar.

When they were done, they burrowed into each other's skin, seeking warmth from the rapidly cooling sweat and swift bursts of air from the open window. They were finally together now. It was official: Sirius was Remus's.

* * *

'James Potter!' Lily's shrill scream pierced through the silence of the Gryffindor common room, causing many a students, who were just coming from a long day in Hogsmeade, to cringe. 'Don't you dare bloody laugh and run away! Come back here, Potter! I can't believe you!'

Two sets of footsteps, accompanied by laughter that spoke of nothing but mischief broke through; running up the stairs and whispering conspiratorially to each other about their latest prank on "Snivellus". The fatter of the two boys struggled to keep up, but his praise did not end despite his tried gasps for air. Prank legends were mentioned, comrades sorely missed, and their victim's singing underpants was hurtled behind towards Lily Evans who just barely missed it hitting her face.

'POTTER!'

Lily Evans, newly appointed prefect of Hogwarts, had very little tolerance for mischief and James Potter and so she stomped stubbornly behind them, screaming with every inch of her lungs and already plotting the most torturous detentions she could master for the boy. Visions of chains and toilet scrubbing with toothbrushes swam in front of her eyes. What she didn't expect to see, however, as she pushed the slammed door open was Black and Lupin in bed together, sleeping but very visibly naked. Very visibly naked on  _top_  of each other. There were no telltale bottles on the floor nor the stench of alcohol in the air, but an oddly sweet scent of cherry blossoms. Potter's face was one of pure shock; obviously he hadn't expected to walk in on them this way either.

He slowly turned to look at her, almost frightened. 'Shit.'

Or perhaps he hadn't expected  _her_  to walk in on them this way.

For once, Lily Evans was at a loss of words. So she did the only thing she could think of: she bolted.

* * *

 


	6. Conflicts of Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

'Fuck,' Remus cursed, quickly pulling on his trousers after Peter had explained to them what had happened and quickly gone out to find James. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck…' This was not happening. How could they have been so careless? To fall asleep naked on the same bed with the dormitory unlocked! Remus was always careful to guard the secret of their relationship, but somehow he'd allowed himself to be lax. Last night had been so bloody brilliant and he'd screwed it. If Lily Evans told anyone,  _anyone_ at all, it was over for them because it was only a matter of time before Sirius's parents found out. 'Fuck, I need to catch her.' Remus knew how it was with girls. They would go to their best friend and spill secrets that weren't quite theirs, with a whispered,  _'don't tell anyone, but-'_. Only it would start a chain of don't tell anyone's and tell everyone's.

'Leave it.'

Remus's head peeked out of his t-shirt as he pulled it down. 'The whole school is going to know if she so much as opens her mouth.'

'Then  _let_ them. Is it such a bad thing?'

For the first time since their conversation with Peter, Remus looked at Sirius. He looked so much like a child, sitting on the bed, still wrapped in the sheets they'd slept in. His hair stuck out at odd angles and his wide, sleep broken eyes looked at Remus almost pleadingly. There was very little Remus could deny Sirius and he did nearly consider conceding to him before common sense kicked in. 'I can't just let that happen, Padfoot, you know this.'

'What are you so afraid of?' Sirius asked, his voice taking a hard edge to it. 'Are you afraid that people will start finding out what you are? You know we'd never let that happen, Moony.'

'Because you did such a brilliant job on that last year, didn't you?' Remus snapped and knew from the hurt on Sirius's face that it had been a mistake. The Prank had been something Sirius had apologised for time and time again, pulling in promises and pleas and desperation. Remus knew in many ways Sirius hadn't meant any real harm but there were times Remus slipped up and couldn't help but wonder if he really was so easy to use. 'Padfoot, I'm sorry. I didn't mean tha-'

'Yes, you did,' Sirius cut in, getting off the bed to grab his own clothes from the floor. 'Of course you did. Is that it then? Is that what you're afraid of? That people are going to find out what a bastard you're dating? Poor Remus Lupin; stuck with that bloke who never gives a fuck about anyone. Are you really that ashamed to be seen with me?' He pushed Remus roughly in the chest, the grey in his eyes swirling angrily, 'Or is that you want to keep your options open in case someone better comes along?'

'I'm doing to this to fucking protect you!' Remus yelled, pushing back, appalled that Sirius would even think like that.

'Oh please, don't give me that shite! Don't use me as some kind of excuse for the fact that you don't really want to be with me all that much!' At Remus's indignant splutter, Sirius laughed cruelly. 'I keep trailing after you like this pathetic little dog, hoping that maybe if I cling enough and make stupid extravagant gestures, you'll finally bring yourself to say it! That you love me, but I must be daft, trying to force something you don't even feel!'

Remus didn't know what came over him; he punched Sirius hard in the jaw, feeling immense satisfaction when he saw Sirius reel back in shock. 'I can't believe you! I can't believe you're questioning my loyalty and my feelings for you! After everything…after I gave myself to you last night! I should have known you were going to be a twat in the morning.' He wanted to hit Sirius again. He wanted to wipe that self righteous expression and that arrogance right off of Sirius's face, but he held himself back and kept his fists clenched tightly at his sides. 'If it's such a chore to be with me, then maybe you should just leave it all together!'

'Maybe I should!' Sirius put in petulantly, still nursing his bruised jaw and even more bruised ego.

Remus grit his teeth, his insides burning. 'Fuck you, Black.  _Fuck you.'_

'Where are you going? Don't walk away from me!' Sirius screamed when Remus was striding out of the dorms, fuming to the point where his face felt like it would burst from the heat. When Remus didn't answer, Sirius threw a smelly sock to his head. 'Oi! Where are you going?'

'Away from you,' Remus spat venomously, pulling the door open rougher than he should. The handle rattled under his grip, threatening to come off. 'I don't want to hear your stupid ideas about me!' He picked up Sirius's sock and threw it back at him. 'I don't want to have any more stupid arguments with you!' Hands itching for something more to throw, he took off his right shoe and flung it with every intention of it hitting Sirius's fat head. It missed, which only infuriated Remus more. 'Most of all, I don't want to have to see your stupid face for a really long time!' He threw his other shoe just for good measure and walked out, slamming the door behind him. He determinedly looked ahead even when he heard a small whimper from behind closed doors. At least one shoe had landed on its target, Remus thought with satisfaction.

* * *

'Don't tell anyone.'

Lily still hadn't recovered entirely from shock to be rightfully outraged. 'I-I wouldn-'

'Please,' Potter whispered, gripping her hand tighter. They were standing in hallway outside the Gryffindor Common Room and James looked around nervously for any passer-bys and lowered his voice, 'Please don't ruin this for them. They're…' he swallowed, looking almost afraid. It was uncharacteristic of him. He was James Potter – arrogant bastard who didn't give a damn about anyone outside himself. 'I'll lay off Snive-Snape,' he conceded when she was too taken aback to reply. 'But what you saw…you can't tell anyone.'

She wondered what he thought of her. Did she really seem the type to squeal? She had  _seen_  them. Lily wasn't blind. She had  _seen_ how they were together – Remus and Sirius;  _SiriusandRemus_. 'You don't have to bargain with me, Potter,' she snapped, snatching away her hand, admittedly a little disgruntled that he didn't trust her. 'I won't tell.'

Potter heaved a sigh of relief. He had actually thought she would. It infuriated her. It infuriated her beyond measure. Wasn't he supposed to be in love with her? Didn't he proclaim to be her knight in shining armour and other gobshite? So why didn't he  _trust_  her? 'Thank you,' he smiled. 'I didn't think you would, but I couldn't take any chances. They're my mates, you know…'

Lily hummed. 'They don't have to hide, you should probably tell them that. Hogwarts is not so cruel.'

'No, perhaps not,' James rumpled his hair and grinned sheepishly. 'But they'll come out on their own terms. Not because some nosy little Prefect caught them shagging.'

Lily turned scarlet. 'They weren't-' she stuttered, 'I didn't-I mean, I was only-' James laughter only became louder as Lily's colouring clashed horribly with her hair. The heat in her cheeks didn't seem to be going down and she realised that concentrating on her shoes rather than looking at Potter helped greatly. 'Are they in love?' she asked quietly, only sparing a glance at Potter through her lashes.

James looked around obliviously. 'Who?'

There was a sudden sound of scuffling behind them but Lily ignored it for an eye roll. Normally, she would have looked around for students who were out of curfew, but honestly, she just didn't feel up to it tonight. 'Black and Lupin, you dolt! Are they in love?'

'Don't know,' Potter shrugged nonchalantly, 'I suppose so. Never really asked.'

'Oh.' Lily didn't know what else to say. 'Right then. Well, you needn't worry,' she began, turning back to the Fat Lady's portrait and nearly avoiding getting hit in the face when it swung open violently on its own accord. Lily overbalanced in an effort to save herself and found herself falling backwards, only to be caught in the arms of one suave (or so the twat thought) James Potter. Through her shock, she only registered Remus Lupin shouldering past them, his usually calm demeanor twisted in anger. He seemed to either be completely oblivious or very blatantly ignoring them. She wondered what had happened and if she were at fault.

Remus didn't seem to have any shoes on.

'Hey, Evans.'

Lily blinked up at her saviour, only realising that she was still in his arms.

'Will you go out with me this Hogsmeade weekend?' James shot her a confident smirk. 'You're already falling all over me.'

Lily should have known that James Potter, no matter how caring towards his friends, was still a conceited berk. This time she didn't let him escape to the dorms. Oh no; this time, she made sure that switching spell hit right on target and James Potter spent the rest of the day with his arse substituting for his head. Not that it was a major change to his appearance anyway.

* * *

By the end of the day, Remus's anger had subsided but his hurt had not. Sirius hadn't so much as attempted to apologise or even come close to him, sitting beside Peter during dinner and keeping his eyes trained on the plate. There was a rather large shoe shaped bruise on his forehead that Remus spent a good time glaring at and then consequently ignoring while telling himself that he was going to stay angry at Sirius for a lot longer just to spite him. He was sat now in the library because he was still trying to put up an angry front. Sirius questioning his feelings and loyalty today had hurt more than Remus had cared to admit. A part of him had even wondered where he'd gone wrong. He'd done so much; constantly worked on his appearance so that Sirius would stay attracted to him; gave Sirius everything he asked for; even went as far as to share his deepest secrets. Remus had thought he'd done enough, but clearly he hadn't if Sirius didn't think Remus loved him.

Was it really his fault? If your partner was feeling unloved then you are mostly to blame, no? Remus swallowed thickly and stared unseeingly at the text underneath him. He wished he could talk to William right now, maybe even John. Though if he were to be honest, William was much more understanding of his two fathers and the one less likely to punch Sirius in the face for "getting his boy upset". Guiltily, he realised that he had done much the same to Sirius, instead of rationally talking things out.

Remus grit his teeth. He had tried, hadn't he? But Sirius always had a way of pushing Remus's buttons, more so today as he spewed all that rubbish about Remus being ashamed of their relationship and not loving him enough. It had sent Remus towards a boiling point, fury coming from indignation which originated from hurt and a feeling of incompetency as a lover. He wouldn't apologise. Nor would he look at Sirius, because he would not be able to hold on to his resentment for long in the face of Sirius's pitiful eyes and horrid attempts at cheering Remus up. Last time, Sirius had decided to change the Slytherin colours to hot pink and neon yellow. The worst part was that it had worked. Remus had fallen in love with him all over again and forgiven the disaster with Snape.

'Bloody hell,' Remus whispered to himself as he realised that he already missed Sirius.

He had invited Sirius over again to his house for dinner (despite John's adamant refusals) in celebration of his parents' anniversary. John and William had actually gotten together on Valentine's Day - something his parents thought was horribly romantic while Remus found it ridiculously clichéd. Remus had wanted to give them some time alone (and have some time to his own as well), before getting lost in the flurry of relatives and cake. He didn't want to have to go home alone over a silly argument with Sirius.

Tomorrow, he told himself; tomorrow, he would give Sirius a chance to apologise and charm the Great Hall to rain jellybeans if he liked. Convinced of his strategy, Remus was just about to get back to his homework in peace when a dark green pouch jangled and fell on top of his book, covering a detailed description of the Goblin War of 1129. Remus looked at the pouch and then up at Regulus Black, who was standing in front of him with his arms crossed. He was shaking but trying hard to put up a haughty front. Remus was strongly reminded of Sirius; only the younger Black possessed none of his brother's charm or beauty.

'What is this?' Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

'A h-hundred galleons,' Regulus stuttered, trying his best to appear confident but failing miserably.

Remus picked up the pouch, weighing it from one hand to the other, impressed by the almost melodious jangle of a hundred gold coins bumping against each other. 'Gillyweed is only fifteen and you need to go to James for them. Though I doubt he'd sell you any…' he pushed the money towards Regulus and smiled condescendingly. 'Thirteen year olds should stick to sweets for highs.'

'It's- I'm not- You don't-' Regulus spluttered, blushing brightly as he pushed the money back into Remus's hands. 'It isn't for G-G-Gillyweed.' Remus figured that if he couldn't even say it properly, it probably wasn't. 'It's for you…to stay away from my bro- from Sirius.'

Remus frowned. 'Excuse me?'

'You heard me,' Regulus went on with renewed confidence. 'Stay away from Sirius. I know what you're doing to him…you're…I heard Evans and Potter talk…Sirius - he's not like  _you._ He's not like  _that_ , so don't…don't  _touch_ him or any of those things you people do. I'll pay you more if you need, but-' Regulus's words were cut off abruptly when Remus, quick as a flash, got off his seat and pinned him to the nearest bookshelf. Regulus's feet dangled mid air, kicking and squirming to get some kind of footing, but Remus kept him there, face twisted into a dangerous snarl. 'Let go!' Regulus struggled, his voice coming out almost as screams before Remus clapped a hand to his mouth.

'Who the fuck do you think you are?' he growled, pushing so hard that Regulus's head snapped backwards against the bookcase. 'You think you can just  _buy_ people like animals? Do you honestly think that I would sink as low as you Black scum and accept your dirty money in exchange for Sirius? Fuck you, you little shite! You're lucky you're Sirius's  _baby_  brother or I would have  _killed_ you the moment you opened your mouth.' Regulus whimpered behind the restraint of Remus's hand. The young Black was unlucky, Remus thought. On any other day, Remus would have laughed it off as a lark and been a proper, responsible prefect about it all. Today, Regulus had succeeded in stoking all the flames of Remus's residual anger and hurt. 'Who have you told?' Remus freed Regulus's mouth, drawing in close until they were nose to nose. 'Who have you told?'

'No one!' Regulus replied quickly, his face contorting with fear. His eyes darted frantically for a means of escape. 'I haven't told anyone, I promise! But…' He hesitated.

'But what?' Remus growled, shaking Regulus again.

Regulus looked away. 'Goyle was with me and it's only a matter of time before Mother knows as well. She…' A look of fear passed his face and Remus knew it was a mirror of his own. '…she'll be furious. She'll…she'll blow…and you don't know what she's capable of…she's not…'

Remus released his hold on the boy, running a shaky hand through his hair. 'Fuck.' This was bad. This was so horribly bad. Remus knew perfectly well what she was capable of – he had  _seen_  her. He had seen her slap him, heard each and every Howler that had been exploded in the Great Hall, and felt the way Sirius stiffened every time his mother was mentioned. Remus didn't need bruises to see what she could do; there were many forms of abuse and Walburga Black was a creative little bitch. 'Fuck. I knew it!' He punched the bookshelf hard, ignoring the pain that it sent through his knuckles. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of. Everything he'd been trying to avoid; all the pains he'd taken to keep their relationship secret – gone to hell.

Regulus flinched away from him but continued, 'I-I don't care if you take the money or not, but please leave him alone. Stop seducing him or whatever it is that you're doing. Don't turn my brother into a faggot!'

Remus laughed cruelly. 'Too late; better faggot than a Black.' He looked at Regulus's pleading face and sighed in resignation and guilt. No matter what the means, Regulus was only looking out for his brother and suddenly, it didn't feel right to be so malicious towards him. 'I won't let anything happen to him, I promise.' He laid a reassuring hand on the younger boy's shoulder, even though his insides were squirming with tension. 'I _promise._ ' What Remus needed to do now was  _think;_ he needed to find a way out of this bind. He also needed to talk to James and his parents; most of all, he needed to make sure he didn't lose Sirius.

* * *

Sirius wiped his eyes roughly and sniffled. He glanced at Remus again through his bed curtains and saw that he and James were still whispering. They were having some kind of heated discussion and Sirius wondered if Remus had told him about their fight. Remus seemed angry, even a little worried though Sirius couldn't fathom why. He seemed to be whisper-yelling at James who was looking at his lap awkwardly.

Sirius blew his nose again, feeling like an utter woman for getting so emotional.

Sirius  _missed_ Remus terribly.

Remus hadn't talked to him the entire day. He hadn't even sat beside Sirius or so much as  _looked_ at him _._ It wasn't as if Sirius had tried particularly hard in the beginning, mostly because he was still angry and throwing a childish tantrum. They'd never had such a horrible argument before and Sirius still thought Remus was being unfair and an absolute coward. If Sirius were to be honest, he had wanted this. He hadn't planned for it; even now, he wasn't sure how it all happened but he was glad it had. He was glad Lily had caught them. He hoped she would spread the news so that those Ravenclaws would finally stop ogling at Remus and leave them be. He wanted everyone to know that Remus was his and that they were together; though with the look of things now, it didn't seem like they were.

Weren't they?

Sirius swallowed, remembering what he'd said in the heat of the moment.

' _If it's such a chore to be with me, then maybe you should just leave it all together!'_

' _Maybe I should!'_

He hadn't really meant it. He never meant anything he said when he was angry. When Sirius was angry, he was a different person – he became a Black through and through; only out to hurt and unthinking of the consequences.

Sirius touched the sore bruise on his forehead where Remus's shoe had hit. There was another one on his jaw where he'd gotten punched. Almost petulantly, he crossed his arms and refused to spy on James and Remus anymore. Remus had no right to be angry with him, not when he was clearly at fault. Against his better judgment, Sirius still peeked out of his curtains and heaved a sigh of relief when he saw James heading for his bed, leaving Remus with his head in his hands. He looked horrible upset. Perhaps he was regretting over saying such horrible things to Sirius also?

Sirius figured he would give Remus a chance to apologise. He was sure Remus regretted everything he'd said. He padded across the room, his bare feet cold against the stone floor.

'Moony?' Sirius called softly, sitting down cautiously beside his boyfriend.

Remus looked up from his hands tiredly. 'Padfoot,' he replied hoarsely and cupped Sirius's cheek, running a thumb below his eyes. 'Why are your eyes red?'

Sirius smiled and shook his head. He was right, he realised with relief; Remus wouldn't leave him. Six years together would hardly be jeopardised by something as silly as being found out. 'Sleepy,' he lied, leaning into Remus's touch happily.

Remus hummed and let his hand fall, much to Sirius's disappointment. 'Sirius, I've been meaning to tell you…' he heaved a reluctant sigh, 'I think it's better if you don't come tomorrow…for the dinner.'

Sirius felt like he'd been punched in the gut. 'Why not?' he asked, voice coming out smaller than he'd intended. 'We've been planning it for weeks, Moony, and we even bought a gift together and we convinced your dad to-'

Remus held up a hand. 'I just…I need time to think,' he explained, moving his eyes away from Sirius. 'Everything's happening too quickly especially with…and I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I need some space to think things over, so it's better if you stay here instead. I just…' Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'I'm sorry. You should go to bed now.'

Sirius felt his throat dry and for a while, he just sat there in shock. This wasn't happening. It wasn't. He was nothing without Remus. He didn't know how to live without him. They'd always been together. He'd always been Remus's Sirius. So why now? Why? Didn't Remus care for him at all? He didn't seem all that upset about it. 'But…' he protested, trying to say something… _anything. Apologise, you dolt,_ he thought and yet he couldn't get his voice to work. Pain was gradually rising through his chest, constricting his lungs and throat and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe.

'Goodnight, Padfoot.'

It was really happening, Sirius realised as he walked back to his bed like a zombie and lay down.

Remus had just broken up with him.

* * *

 


	7. Pointless Tears and Family Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

* * *

'Padfoot,' Remus's voice called out from behind the curtains. 'Padfoot, I'm leaving.' Sirius sniffed, but otherwise did not reply. 'Sirius, please won't you come out and at least see me off?' Remus sounded almost pleading now and Sirius felt a sick sort of satisfaction in knowing that he was causing Remus a little bit of the agony he himself was feeling. The curtain pulled sideways to no avail; Sirius had put sticking charms to them that only he could undo. He could stay in his bed sanctuary till the end of eternity without anyone ever entering. 'Padfoot, please don't do this…we're mates, aren't we?' Sirius wiped his eyes and watched as Remus's shadow shifted uneasily, one hand still fisting the bed curtains. 'I know you're upset about last night…about us; I am too, but…'

Remus didn't sound very upset – only exasperated; and Sirius again had to wonder if he was the only one really in love. Why was he the only one crying and so desperately trying to pick up the broken pieces of his heart? Hadn't it meant  _something_? Even though Remus had never truly said it, Sirius had believed in every soft brush of fingers, every whispered word of praise, the gentle touch of lips that had mapped his body. Sirius had believed that Remus had truly cared for him. Yet, Remus had gone to all his classes without so much as a hitch, while Sirius had had to fake illness because his knees would shake violently every time he'd tried to stand. His chest felt like it was going to explode any moment and there were times when he had to bite his lip just to keep the screams in.

Nothing. To Remus, Sirius had meant  _nothing._

'Is he still not coming out?' James's voice asked and Sirius could hear the dormitory door close softly, and the sound of two pairs of footsteps entering the room. He had his eyes closed but Sirius assumed that Remus had shaken his head because there were cumulative sighs from all three of his friends.

'Why?'

Again, there was no verbal answer and Sirius wondered if they'd used a silencing charm around themselves or Remus simply didn't know how to voice the fact that he'd broken Sirius's heart and ended their six year relationship in a matter of seconds.

'Professor McGonagall was searching for you,' Peter said, 'She said that it's best if you hurry. You can't Floo once she closes her office doors.'

There was an awkward silence before Remus spoke one last time, 'Sirius…' When Sirius still refused to reply, there was a shuffle of angry footsteps before the door slammed shut with a loud bang.

'Peter, could you please go after him?' Sirius waited with bated breath for the sounds of the door closing yet again. He knew what was coming - James was going to want to speak to him but Sirius just wasn't ready for it yet. He still couldn't say it out loud. 'Padfoot, he's gone now. Please open the curtains.'

Sirius shook his head before realising James could not see him. He didn't want James to see him. Not like this - this pathetic, broken mess.

James sighed. He settled down; the edge of the bed dipping heavily as his shadow appeared against the crimson curtains. 'The whole school knows,' he whispered and Sirius could see him running a hand through the back of his hair. 'The Slytherins have been ruthless. Remus has been bearing their taunts all morning. Couple of them even hexed him, but you know Remus - he'll never raise his wand against someone unless he needs to. Fuckers,' James spat scathingly, 'they're going to wake up tomorrow with crabs on their dicks if I can help it.'

Somehow, even though Sirius had known all along that the Slytherins would be cruel if they ever found out, it still came as a surprise. His fists clenched the bed sheets guiltily. Swallowing, he tried to force his voice out in a steady tone, 'Was he hurt?'

There was short pause before James replied, 'Nothing Madam Pompfrey couldn't fix. But Padfoot, you shouldn't let him face this alone. I mean, you're in this together, so it's a bit unfair of you to hide here like a coward.'

Sirius snorted at the irony of it all. 'I don't give a fuck about the Slytherins and I'm not as kind as Moony to just let things go. I've always been the one who wanted to come out. I wanted to be able to hold his hand in public; I wanted everyone to know how much I fancied him...'

'Then why?'

'He didn't want the same things I did,' Sirius whispered dejectedly, feeling his eyes threatening to spill all over again. He couldn't do this anymore. Every inch of him felt like it was slowly dying. He curled up, hugging his knees even closer to himself. 'Prongs, he...' he couldn't say it. 'Moony...' He let out a choked sob, trying to stifle his cries with a fist in his mouth. There was nothing he could do about the tears.

'Padfoot?' James asked quietly. He sounded worried. 'Sirius, are you all right?'

Sirius couldn't speak without revealing his current state. He couldn't let James see him like this. Sirius never cried in front of anyone except Remus - the only person that bore all of Sirius's weaknesses.

'Sirius?' James called again, the bed springing back up as he stood. 'Sirius, what's wrong?'

Suddenly, the sound of tearing fabric struck through the air and Sirius stared in shock as his curtains fell apart in the middle. James was standing in front of him, wand out and face twisted in concern. Gathering his wits, Sirius quickly hid his face in his knees, biting his lips to stop himself from outright sobbing. He'd never been so miserable or ashamed his whole life. How weak he must look to the one person he wanted to think he was unbreakable. 'It's over, Prongs...' Sirius managed to cough out, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. 'That's it. It's over...'

Sirius's sobs echoes through the silence. 'That's...' James whispered, 'That's  _impossible_.'

Sirius was already lost in the darkness that the cocoon of his knees provided. He no longer had the strength to talk.

'You're inseparable,' James continued, still in a sort of shocked whisper. 'There's no way Remus would-'

'He did,' Sirius cut in, 'He did and I'd really appreciate it if you buggered off now. Please.'

James ignored him, sliding closer and placing a hand on Sirius's shoulder comfortingly. It would have helped if their awkward positioning didn't have Sirius face smashed against the side of James's startlingly yellow t-shirt. Sirius wiped his nose on it vindictively, smearing a liberal amount of snot. 'It's my fault,' James whispered. 'It's my fault. I apologised last night but he was so angry…and confused. I mean, he did mention needing time to think and not knowing where to take this anymore, but…I didn't think Moony would ever mean…'

Sirius could feel the beginnings of miserable laughter bubble in his gut. It wasn't even remotely funny. It was hilarious. Hilarious to think that they'd been so happy that he'd actually believed they would be together forever.

'Get up.'

'Fuck off, Prongs,' Sirius spat, drying his eyes roughly and curling up even further into himself. He could feel James's hold on his shoulder tighten from reassuring to almost painful. 'Get off my bed and leave me alone to sulk.'

'I'm serious. Get up!'

When Sirius decidedly stayed put, James fingers dug into his shoulders and rolled Sirius clear off the bed in one swift motion. Sirius, caught by surprise, fell to the ground with a loud ' _oof_ '. His elbow burst into jolts of pain where it hit the stone floor and he glared at James with spite, as he nursed it against his chest and tried to ignore the soreness in his arse.

'Get up!' James insisted again as he grabbed Sirius's bruised elbow, almost on purpose it would seem, and hoisted him up to his feet. 'You need to get going before McGonagall's office closes.'

Sirius snatched his arm back. 'What the fuck are you talking about?'

James rolled his eyes. 'You're such a daft twat. I can't believe you're giving up so easily!' He grasped Sirius by the wrist again, pulling him out the dormitory door forcefully until they were descending the stairs with Sirius struggling to catch up and not fall over. 'The two of you have been with each other for  _ages_  and just because Moony's being a dumb prick doesn't mean you have to go along with it! If you really fancy him, you should chase after him until he gives in and admits he was wrong!'

Sirius was astounded by how much James's logic actually made sense.

'Moony's probably confused but if you show him the upside of being with you, which I'm not sure there are many-'

Sirius thwacked him up the head but was grinning at the same time, suddenly a bubble of hope brimming in his chest. He took out his wand quickly, throwing charms to make himself look more presentable. He also summoned (stole) a bag of sweets (the best way to Remus's heart) from a gullible First Year who was making her way to the Gryffindor dormitory. Trying to ignore her teary-eyed face, Sirius told himself he would buy her some more once he got back. "Prongs, mate, I know I don't say this often, but beyond that fat head, you are  _bloody brilliant!'_

'Course I am!' James crowed, getting into the groove of things and quickly gaining Sirius's enthusiasm and excitement. 'Soon, you'll be molesting Remus in empty classrooms, being sickeningly flowery and rubbing your noses together, and forgetting silencing charms on your bed at night!'

Sirius stopped mid-run to look at James, eyebrow raised. 'Mate, you're really over doing it.'

James broke into a bright blush. 'Right. I'll just go back to the dorms and leave you to it then. Unless…' He looked mischievously hopeful: a look Sirius associated with the worst of their pranks. 'Unless the knight in shining armour needs a right hand man to whisk his princess away – Moony is quite heavy…'

Sirius shot him a highly unpleasant look.

'Rightio!' James conceded, turning on his heel. 'Good Luck then! Break a leg and all that! Do the Marauders proud!'

Sirius reckoned James had shouted a lot more encouragement across the halls, but he chose to ignore it and sprint his fastest down the stairs. Everything was a blur as he ran, his mind focused only on getting Remus back even if it meant he would have to resort to Neanderthal methods and drag Remus back by his lovely, soft brown hair. Sirius had been going so fast that he'd nearly run over the head of Gryffindor House, Professor McGonagall.

'Mr. Black, are you aware that it is past curfew?' McGonagall chided, her bun looking tighter than ever. 'Return to your tower immediately before I take house points!'

'Professor, please,' Sirius panted, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. 'I need to,' another inhale and exhale, 'get to Remus as soon as possible. I need to use your Floo... _please...'_

'Most certainly not!' McGonagall crossed her arms in a final stance. 'Mr. Lupin will be back by tomorrow afternoon and whatever it is, you can settle it then. Now off to bed with you!'

'Please, Professor,' Sirius practically whined, his eyes growing impossibly large. It often worked on Remus, but in hindsight, it had to be considered that he was usually begging as a large, fluffy dog and not mischief making Sirius. 'You need to let me through the Floo! You've been in love, haven't you, Professor?' Sirius wasn't sure whether to be sick or shocked when McGonagall's face softened as if she were reminiscing. Taking the plunge, Sirius finished with a dramatic, 'If I don't tell him now, I'll lose him forever!'

* * *

For the fiftieth time that day, Remus found his cheeks being pinched by a relative. 'Look how you've grown, Remus! I saw you when you were wee high! Do you remember me?' Remus did not remember her but nodded anyways, feeling his cheeks burn with both humiliation and pain. William shot him a sympathetic look from behind the rather robust woman attacking Remus's cheeks. 'John, he's turning out to look just like you!' she continued, oblivious to Remus's pain. 'He's becoming quite the handsome man!'

'Course he is!' John Lupin bellowed cheerfully, tugging at Remus's cheeks on purpose just to make his son wince. 'My son, isn't he? Bloody brilliant, too, but that bit of credit goes entirely to Willie.' He winked at William Lupin, who promptly rolled his eyes at the obvious flirting. Remus nearly threw up in his mouth. He missed Sirius terribly. If he had been here, he would have shared Remus's pain. If Remus hadn't…

Remus shook his head, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

'Katie, why don't you help yourself to some sandwiches? Kieron's been asking about you since he came, as well.' William ushered her off, but not before she slipped twenty quid into Remus's hand with a supposedly clever wink. So far Remus had earned a hundred fifty pounds – a well deserved fee for the services his sore cheeks had rendered. 'You all right, lad?' William asked softly, sitting down beside Remus and breaking out of his thoughts. He put an arm around Remus's shoulder and shook him lightly. 'You've been a bit off since you arrived.'

Apparently, Remus's attempts at looking cheerful had failed miserably. He still kept with it though, 'Don't know what you're talking about…

William sighed, leaning back against the sofa. For a while, they both sat there quietly, watching the room slowly fill with at least fifty odd relatives from each side of the family. John Lupin, ever lively, was chattering about from one group to another, his loud and infectious laughter booming across the room. 'Look, Remus, I know that your dad and I can sometimes be a bit…how do I put this…' He smiled guiltily, '…insensitive, obtuse even. Maybe you wish you had a mother instead who would-'

'I never said that,' Remus cut in adamantly. 'I've never wanted anyone different.'

William smiled and Remus could see that he was genuinely happy and perhaps a bit relieved. He ruffled Remus's hair and kissed him roughly on the forehead. 'You're a good lad, but don't change the topic. What's happened?' When Remus didn't answer, he huffed in exasperation and pulled up the end of Remus's shirt.

'Pops!' Remus cried, pushing William's hands away. 'What are you doing? Stop trying to expose me in front of the whole family!' He blushed bright red when Aunt Joan motioned at his abdominal muscles and then whistled appreciatively. He also didn't miss John disapproving, if not slightly angry, frown. 'Why do you always have to embarrass me in front of everyone?' Remus groaned, keeping a tight hold on the ends of his shirt (and trousers for good measure) in case William tried again.

'Where did you get that bruise?' William asked, entirely un-amused. He was sharing a look with John that Remus couldn't entirely decipher but didn't spell anything favourable. 'Remus, where did you get that bruise? Remus,' William's voice was stern, 'if it's only from a bit of scuffle, it's all right, but if someone's hurting you…'

'It's out,' Remus replied quickly before his father jumped into anymore conclusions.

William frowned. 'What is?'

'Me. Sirius. Us. Everything.' Remus sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. That sick feeling that he had worked so hard to quell down was starting to come back up again. He had tried so hard to tell himself it was all right, to reassure himself that he'd find a way through this, but the reality of the situation was finally trying to sink in. It wasn't all right at all.

'Is that why Sirius didn't come today?' William asked, his fingers combing softly through Remus's hair.

'I asked him not to,' Remus whispered, feeling this morning's frustration all over again, 'I didn't know what else to do. I still don't. And he wouldn't even talk to me today. He was in such a strop about it that-'

Suddenly, the fireplace burst into bright green flames, interrupting Remus's confession. And despite Remus's refusal, there was Sirius – dressed in Remus's Queen t-shirt and trying to brush soot off his hair and clothes. 'Moony!' Sirius cried, barreling past groups of shocked relatives (many of whom hadn't a clue about magic and were now contemplating the existence of Santa Claus). 'Moony, I need to talk to you!' He pulled Remus into a tight hug.

Remus patted his back awkwardly, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed as everyone's eyes suddenly turned to them. 'Padfoot,' He whispered through his teeth, his eyes roaming consciously as he saw several attempts by his relatives in trying to listen in. 'What are you doing here?' He pulled away slightly, shocked to see the rims of Sirius's eyes tainted red. Though Sirius's fringe was covering most of it, the puffiness was unmistakable – Sirius had definitely been crying. Remus felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He hated seeing Sirius hurt.

'Moony, I've been such an idiot,' Sirius started, fingers entwining with Remus's. Remus could hear several of his relatives coo which only fueled his embarrassment further. 'I couldn't see what was in front of me the entire time: I'm in love with you, Moony.'

There was a massive breakout of 'awwws' and the sound of John Lupin clapping an exasperated hand against his forehead with a rather pronounced,  _'Oh for heaven's sake..._ ' He was quickly hushed down by the rest of the family.

Sirius ignored it all, including Remus's feeble attempts to run and hide under his bed for the rest of his life. Even the small part of him that was rejoicing Sirius's confession was quickly being stamped down by the feeling of utter humiliation.

'Everything about you!' Sirius continued with a grin. 'I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile; the way your hair flops down to cover your eyes; the way you always hold my hand when you're cold; I love the way your perfume smells and the way you're somehow always there when I feel like utter shite.'

Despite being horrible embarrassed, Remus was starting to realise that much of those things seemed somewhat inaccurate. His hair was much too short to flop anywhere and since his perfume debacle...

'Isn't that a song?' Uncle Kieron asked from somewhere around the back.

'You complete me, Moony. I know that this is probably going to mess up our friendship and make things horribly awkward between us if things don't work out, but I can't  _not_  love you.'

'This really does sound horribly familiar...' Aunt Katie muttered contemplatively on the right.

'I can't live without you, so I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me.' Sirius rummaged in his pockets, face screwing up in concentration as he sifted through handfuls of chocolate, jingling coins, and lint.

'It's from that movie: _Love in a Heartbeat_!' screamed Aunt Sarah in a moment of epiphany. 'Oh dear God, I know what he's going to say next! He's going to-'

'Marry me, Remus,' Sirius said, going down on one knee and holding out a red ring with proud flourish. It was plastic. It had a Bertie Bott's bean (carrot - the irony was not lost on Remus) sitting in the middle.

Remus felt ready to spontaneously combust. From the corner of his eyes, he could see William trying to hold off a spluttering John from strangling Sirius. He could also see many of his relatives waiting with bated breath, some of the women having gone teary eyed. This was horrible. This was like having his worst nightmare dressed in a pink tutu. If there was any a moment when Remus wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, this would be it. 'Sirius, please get up,' Remus begged, hiding his face behind his hands.

Sirius's shoulders slumped. 'You don't want to?' He pushed himself to his feet, looking ridiculously upset. Had he actually expected Remus to say yes? 'Why not?' Dear Merlin, he _had_  expected Remus to say yes. 'Is it because of him?' Sirius pointed towards Oscar - a gangly fourteen year old that looked much like William, but with pimples. The poor boy looked almost afraid of being picked by a lunatic like Sirius. 'Are you in love with him now? He could never make you happy or love you the way I do!'

'What?' Remus exclaimed, still having a hard time believing that this was actually happening. 'Padfoot, you're being fucking ridiculous! He's my nephew!' Not that it mattered when you were a Black. 'Just, come on...' Remus grabbed Sirius by the wrist, feeling all the stares of the Lupin and Ryder family alike boring into him. '...before my dad murders you. We can talk in my room.'

'I'll come along!' John Lupin volunteered and many of his family cheered in agreement. Remus had a horrible image of over fifty people with their ears stuck to his bedroom door. Luckily, Remus still had one sane member of his family, and he thanked Merlin for William Lupin before running upstairs to his room. Sirius let himself be dragged along without protest, waiting till Remus's bedroom door closed before going into an absolutely adorably pout. Remus hated this pout - it somehow always ended up in them having sex and right now, Remus was supposed to be abstaining.

'Why won't you marry me?' Sirius rounded on Remus, holding out that ridiculous ring again. 'I know it's sudden and I promise to get you a ring that isn't edible...or free from a packet of sweets, but...'

'Padfoot, we're sixteen,' Remus threw up his hands exasperatedly, 'and you're not supposed to be here!'

'I  _am_  here! And I mean it when I say forever! I mean it when I say I love you!' Sirius yelled resolutely, pinning Remus to the door by the shoulders. 'I don't care how scared you are, but I won't allow you to break up with me! I refuse to end our relationship just because-mmph!'

Remus clapped a hand to Sirius's mouth, using the other to flick him on the forehead. 'Have you finally lost all your marbles? When the fuck did I _break up_  with you?'

Sirius stilled, his eyes growing wide. Remus let his hand drop allowing Sirius to speak only to find that his boyfriend had lost all ability to do so. 'Didn't you? B-But,' he stuttered, his mouth opening and closing in a shining impression of a fish. 'Last night, you-you...'

'I never said I wanted to break up, Padfoot,' Remus explained gently, 'No wonder you were putting up such a sulk. Merlin, you're such an idiot. Don't just go on jumping into conclusions like that. I could never break up with you.' Sirius's face was a mixture of relief and disgruntlement over being called an idiot. Remus brushed back Sirius's bangs before kissing him gently on the side of the tip of his nose. 'I love you.' Sirius looked as if he was about to start crying and Remus suddenly realised that he'd never actually said it. He'd always taken for granted that his love was obvious through his actions. 'I love you and I  _was_ scared and confused, but not about us; not about  _this_.' Remus clasped their hands together and sighed heavily. 'When I said I needed space, Padfoot, I just wanted a few hours to think by myself.'

'What do you need to think about?' Sirius asked, his voice coming out a little croaky. 'It isn't that difficult being together, so what do you need to think about?'

'Your parents know,' Remus replied and the way Sirius's face paled, he knew he had been right to think that the consequences would be dire. Sirius didn't seem to have even taken his family into consideration. 'At least, they  _will_ know. It's only a matter of time and I-' He suddenly felt extremely stupid saying it. Sirius wasn't a girl, he wasn't weak; yet Remus couldn't help how he felt. 'I want to protect you but I don't know how…'

Sirius stared for a few minutes before bursting out in low chuckles. He let his head drop to Remus's shoulder as he went into all out laughter, his shoulders shaking from mirth. 'You are such a twat,' he laughed, arms circling Remus's waist and squeezing tightly. 'The biggest twat I've honestly ever met, you know,' there was affection in his tone as he lifted Remus slightly off the ground in his enthusiasm. 'What are you going to do? Growl at my mother?' Sirius pressed chaste kisses to Remus's lips, wiping away the affronted expression Remus was trying so hard to maintain. 'I'd love to see that. You're bloody sexy when you growl.'

'Fuck off,' Remus pushed without malice. He could hear voices coming upstairs followed by multiple footsteps that told him his family was probably getting impatient and rather nosy. His dads, chiefly John, were probably worrying about them having sex right above them – with Sirius Black defiling their little boy. 'Come on, let's go back down. Padfoot!' He struggled slightly as Sirius's breath tickled down his neck. 'Come on, I can hear them coming. I think I've been humiliated enough for today without them bursting in on us in a compromising position. Get off!'

Sirius pouted and was only about to move away when the door behind them burst open, sending Remus toppling to the floor along with Sirius.

'Look here, Mrs. Black, I'm telling you to-'

John Lupin froze mid-conversation as his eyes shifted from Remus and Sirius, to William Lupin, to the horrified face of Walburga Black. Sirius was still on top of Remus, chest to chest, legs splayed so that Remus lay just between them. Sirius didn't seem keen on moving any time soon, his hardened eyes fixated on his mother. Only Remus could feel the slight tremor of fear going through the other boy's body as Walburga Black stared them down with malicious rage painted starkly across her face. Out of instinctual protectiveness, Remus tightened his hold on Sirius and could feel the other boy doing the same, which, given the circumstances, Remus realised was probably highly inappropriate. Many of Remus's relatives were already pooling in behind the group of parents, excited and curious to find out more of the disaster that was surely to transpire. Remus's worst nightmares were quickly coming into fruition.

This day just could not get any worse.

* * *

 


	8. Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're cemented for life. Remus suffers from issues of sexy, Sirius from general melodrama, James from best friend withdrawals, and nothing says disowned like meeting your boyfriend's very gay parents.

* * *

Sirius and Remus scrambled to their feet, nearly tripping over each other in their haste. Neither of them could stop looking at Walburga Black as the colour of her face steadily rose. Remus was strongly reminded of all the cartoons he'd watched as a child, where an angry red flush would shoot up like a barometer until the cat or dog would always blow. And blow Walburga Black did:

'YOU FILTHY LITTLE SODOMITE! Is there no limit to the constant wave of shame you bring to me and this family?' She screamed, spittle flying everywhere. Her outburst had shocked everyone into silence, even Remus's nosy relatives. Yet, she seemed completely uncaring of the wide-eyed stares she was receiving. 'They have all been telling me about your trysts; about the LITTLE FAGGOT SLUT that you've become, but I thought surely not! Surely, my eldest son, the heir to the house of my fathers would not go so far as to DEFILE OUR PUREBLOOD NAME!'

Walburga Black paced in little circles, glaring at Sirius so hard that even Remus flinched. One of Remus's younger cousins had started to cry.

'What will I tell people when they ask me about you, Sirius? What will I tell them when they mock the Black name and the UNWORTHY MONGREL THAT IT HAS PRODUCED? Are you testing my patience, Sirius?' She asked rounding in on her son, her eyes boring into his. They were grey, just like Sirius's, but held nothing but contempt and spite. 'I had forgiven you for being sorted into  _Gryffindor_ ,' her lip curled as if she'd said something truly disgusting, 'overlooked your PATHETIC PLEAS FOR ATTENTION as you wreaked havoc in school. I had come to Hogwarts to have Dumbledore put a stop to all the VILE SLANDER that has been coming forth about your VULGAR HABITS, only to come here and find you here with this  _boy_ _…'_

Remus opened his mouth to retaliate, when he caught Sirius's look of warning and let his mouth snap shut again. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw John Lupin coming forward to intervene but was held back by William's hand on his shoulder. It was wise perhaps, not to agitate the woman any further. Remus knew that William held a strict policy against interfering in other people's businesses. Remus respected it; yet, he couldn't help but hope that John would knock her down a peg or two. Sirius was yet to say anything, only staring at her with eyes that slowly changed from fear to an unreadable expression. His gaze was hardening as he took in her constant onslaught of verbal abuse, not so much as flinching even as she nearly spat at him. Had it been Remus's parents humiliating him in such a way, Remus knew that he would have broken down and cried.

Too much. It was too much.

Unable to do much else, Remus reached out for Sirius's hand and held it tightly within his. It was a foolish thing to do and Remus realised it immediately when Walburga's eyes locked on their intertwined hands and her face twisted into an ugly sneer.

'I want to talk to this child's mother,' she barked, jabbing her finger into Remus's face.

Remus stared back defiantly, further tightening his hold on Sirius's hand. He was just about to tell her where she could fuck off to, when William spoke up:

'You can talk to me if you like, Mrs. Black,' William's voice was tight as if battling to keep civil. 'Though I'm sure there isn't much to discuss.'

'I asked for his mother,' Walburga dismissed. 'My son has been swayed and I want this child as far as possible from my son. Men are weak this way. Bring me his mother,' she ordered as if Remus's mother was something you found off a shelf in the supermarket.

William's jaw tightened and Remus could tell by the way his fists clenched that he was having a hard time suppressing his anger. He was the calmer member of Remus's family – rational and usually very compromising but even the way the Lupin clan held their breath, it was obvious that Walburga Black was treading on very thin ice. 'Remus has no mother,' William replied coldly, his arms crossing across his chest as he looked Mrs. Black hard in the face. 'He lives with us.' William punctuated this by taking hold of John's hand, mimicking the way Remus held Sirius's.

Mrs. Black's face turned purple, practically ballooning from anger. For a second, Remus was sure she would whip out her wand and curse everyone in sight out of pure spite. She didn't, much to everyone's surprise. She simply shrugged and then held out her hand in gesture, 'Come, Sirius, I will not condone staying in company of these  _freaks_  a second longer. You will be taken home and you shall stay there until your Father and I can arrange for a place in Beauxbatons.'

Sirius's voice was shaky as he spoke for the first time since Walburga Black's arrival, 'No.'

'Sirius,' Mrs. Black bit angrily, 'do not anger me any further. You will do as I say without protest.'

'NO!' Sirius screamed, moving away when his mother tried to reach for him. 'Enough already! Transferring me or locking me up in that fucking house won't stop me from being your disgusting little disappointment of a son! It will not change me or reform me into whatever puppet you've pictured in your bloody head! Don't you fucking get it?' Sirius held up his and Remus's joint hands, 'I'm in love with hi-'

Mrs. Black's hand descended hard onto the side of Sirius's skull.

Several things happened at once. Blood spurted from Sirius's lip split and he fell against Remus, still reeling from the shock of being hit. Remus cried out loudly, holding Sirius protectively to his chest should Mrs. Black decide to come at him again. There were several cries of outrage but none louder than John Lupin who put himself between Sirius and Walburga, pushing the woman roughly at the shoulders.

'Get out!' He growled, pushing her hard again when she came forward. This time, William did nothing to stop him and watched with an almost sick sense of satisfaction. 'Get out of my house this minute before I tear you to shreds!'

Walburga Black pulled out her wand and pointed it threateningly at John. 'Do not talk to me as if you are…' her voice died out when John closed his fist around the tip of her wand and broke it cleanly down the middle. He threw part of it on the ground where it rolled to her feet, crackling with magic before dying out completely.

'I don't care if you're the Queen herself,' John grit out, 'but don't ever think you can raise a hand to your child, least of all in my house. I'm asking you civilly, Mrs. Black, to  _fuck_ _off._ '

Remus's relatives actually broke out into applause. It would have been embarrassing if Remus hadn't been feeling extremely proud of his father that very moment. He watched as Mrs. Black squared off her shoulders and tried to pick herself up from the humiliation of having been slandered by someone she considered lower than herself. Remus had been expecting her to say something dramatic such as, ' _you_ _will_ _regret_ _this_ _till_ _the_ _day_ _you_ _die,_ _Lupin_ _'_ or  _'_ _you_ _will_ _all_ _burn_ _'_ _._ But she kept silent as she pushed past the crowd of relatives that was now hissing and spitting back insults as she passed.

She stopped fleetingly at the doorway, her eyes still fixed to the front. 'Sirius,' she said calmly, pulling her black cloak tighter around her collar so that it swished rhythmically. 'You have an hour to realise you mistakes and come home. Should you fail, consider yourself disowned. The House of Black has no place for blood traitors who dabble in lesser filth.'

Everyone watched her leave with unconcealed looks of disgust, before William Lupin shooed the rest of the Lupin and Ryder clan out of the room with an overused call of, ' _show_ _'_ _s_ _over_ _…_ _nothing_ _left_ _to_ _see_ _here_ _…'_ Most protested, as nosy relatives were wont to do, but they left under William's insistence over privacy. Remus was thankful, yet again, for having parents that while tactless most of the time, were generally sensitive when the situation required.

'Sirius,' John Lupin turned to them, eyes hard, 'we need to talk.'

* * *

'Are you going to ask me about my intentions with Remus again?' Sirius supplied with a weak grin.

John grimaced. 'Hopefully, I'll get better answers.' He glanced awkwardly at the closed door, wondering if Remus and Willy had their ears pressed against it in an attempt to listen in. William generally had a decent respect for privacy, but John wouldn't put it past Remus. He craved for the days when Remus had been younger, wide eyed and innocent. Days before his son had been corrupted by black haired boys and a grey eyed devil.

Sirius fidgeted, looking at his shoes. 'Mr. Lupin, I-'

'John,' John interrupted, 'you can call me John but nothing more. Not dad or Johnny-boy, or any other ridiculous name you come up with.

'Yes, dad,' Sirius replied cheekily.

John glared. He was trying, Merlin damn it, he was trying his hardest to be good to the boy because he felt sorry for the little chap and also because he knew that this was important to Remus. Coming from a horrendous woman like that, John was surprised how close to normal Sirius seemed. He purposely stared at the boy to make him uncomfortable and was surprised when Sirius continued to look at him curiously, barely intimidated. John wondered how much of a failure he was as a parent if he could not even perfect his Big Daddy glare. Perhaps it wasn't John but the boy, who wasn't as normal as he had first thought.

'Sirius,' John spoke finally, 'have you slept with Remus yet?'

Sirius broke out into a fit of coughs. 'I thought you were going to ask me about my mother?'

John shrugged. 'Have you?'

'Yes. It was mutual!' Sirius explained quickly.

John felt a vein on his temple throb. 'I would expect so.' He rubbed his face, wishing once again for a time when things were easier. 'Sirius, what do you plan to do now?'

'Well, John, I got shot down this time but I suppose the right thing to do is take responsibility and ask Remus to marry me after school.'

The vein throbbed harder. 'I meant, about your situation at home, Sirius. You have been given an ultimatum by your… _mother,´_ John's face involuntarily curled into a sneer. He didn't miss the apprehensive glance Sirius shot towards their wall clock. Twenty minutes left. Tick tock. 'And for Merlin's sake, don't make a ridiculous proposal like that ever again. Aunt Malory will be spinning fanciful tales about it for years.'

'Moony told me you proposed to William in a bathroom cubicle,' Sirius shot back.

'Those were conservative times.' John grumbled.

'In a gay bar?'

John waved it off, though he could feel a betraying flush creeping up his neck. He would have to talk to Remus later about family secrets and pride. He noticed Sirius glancing at the clock again and sighed heavily. 'Sirius, I need you to tell me the truth right now; has that woman hit you before or is this…?'

Sirius looked away, cocky grin disappearing quickly. 'She didn't hit me that hard. It's barely a cause for concern.' His eyes shifted towards the clock again. Eighteen minutes.

John looked doubtful. 'Sirius, if she's done this before then I need to report her to-'

Sirius burst out laughing. It was bitter, almost pathetic and John felt another twinge of sympathy for the boy. 'With all due respect, John, the Ministry doesn't give a shit. Pureblood parenting methods are quite… _liberal._  Why do you think our houses are equipped with dungeons? Old traditions die hard, though I must say; the days when they drove stakes through our kidneys are long gone.' He shook his head and fixed his hair. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Lupin, but can I be excused? I want to see Remus now.' Another glance at the clock. Fifteen minutes.

'Don't go back,' John stated, ignoring Sirius's question. He was watching the clock just as avidly as Sirius, though he was counting down the amount of time he would have to stall Sirius to save him from that horrendous family of his. John hated people like the Blacks – deplored them with an unrivaled hatred. 'Perhaps it is not my place to say, but don't go back. I'll give Harold Potter a call explaining the circumstances. He'll arrange for your things and perhaps even a place to stay.'

Sirius glanced at the clock again. Eleven minutes.

'Sirius,' John broke his reverie sternly. 'Don't go back.'

'I want to see Remus,' Sirius repeated, as if pretending not to have heard John. 'I don't want to answer any more questions. I don't want to talk about my feelings or any such thing. I just want to see Remus.'

John fought not to give in to the desperation in Sirius's voice, but he'd never been good at feelings and emotions, or even confrontation. It struck him that perhaps he should have left it to William to do this instead. John hadn't been prepared for an actual talk. He'd merely been trying to stop Sirius from going back or perhaps doing something foolish. He'd also been trying to protect his son from bearing the emotional burden of a child who had clearly been through more than he was currently letting on. The protective side of him didn't want Remus involved in any of this. But there was also a rational side of him that explained that anyone important to Remus was also important to him. It sounded disturbingly like William.

John glanced at the clock. Seven minutes. 'Sirius, perhaps you…' He trailed off when he noticed that Sirius was shaking. The boy's fists were clenched on top of his knees as if trying to assume some semblance of control, but his whole body was trembling. John could even map out the painful swallow of his Adam's apple. Sirius's eyes were now fixed solely on the clock, no longer bothering to be discrete.

'Please, I really need to see Remus.'

Five minutes.

Unable to take anymore, John stood up, positioning himself in front of Sirius and blocking his view of the clock. He put both hands on Sirius's shoulder, firm weight keeping the boy from looking at the time. Sirius looked up at him and his eyes, John thought, at that very moment looked like dirty smudges behind the fill of unshed tears. Sirius looked exactly as he was – a  _child;_ just a small, small, helpless boy who didn't understand what he'd done that was so horribly wrong.

 _Shit,_ was John's last thought as he pulled Sirius into a hug, wondering how he was suppose to stop the barrage of tears that was soaking his shirt. Muffled sobs pressed against his chest, trying to bury the wails of a child who was clearly in a world of pain. John didn't know how to fix this and it made him feel inadequate. So he held Sirius for as long as it was needed and even afterwards when Sirius moved away and wiped his eyes, embarrassed.

 _Don_ _'_ _t_ _tell_ _Remus,_ Sirius would plea and John would make it a promise.

* * *

'Oi, Snivellus!' Sirius called out with a grin before having the Slytherin boy trip straight into a bowl full of chocolate pudding. The Gryffindor table roared with laughter as James clapped Sirius on the back. They were whispering with a glint in their eyes and Remus had no doubt that they were plotting their next cruel prank on Snape.

Remus couldn't help the frown that passed over his face, nor the spark of anger that came from Sirius's behaviour. Remus hated how insensitive Sirius could be some time; hated how easy it was for Sirius to forget the consequences of the Whomping Willow Prank just because Remus had forgiven him. He wondered when Snape would finally snap and abandon the promise he'd made to Dumbledore to keep Remus's condition a secret. Sometimes Remus caught those malicious black eyes on him almost as if in warning and he found himself almost  _scared._

Remus understood of course, why Sirius and James did what they did. He understood that James was only spiteful of Snape because of Lily Evans. It was a byproduct of childish jealousy. Sirius had many motivations behind his pranks. Sometimes, he did it for attention – any kind of attention, it didn't matter. He craved to be seen by his parents, even if it was just as a nuisance. Sometimes he did it out of spite, an outlet to have others experience the same amount of pain and suffering that he went through. Sirius hated the Slytherins for being what he could not. Most times, Remus reckoned, Sirius played pranks just because it was fun and liberating. Those pranks were mostly harmless, but would, without fail, always have Remus on his knees scrubbing the second floor toilet while trying to ignore Sirius making lewd cock jokes.

Remus also knew that Sirius was only acting out because of his situation at home. Almost an entire week had passed since Walburga Black's unannounced visit to the Lupin home and not a single letter had come for Sirius. No howlers, no customary envelopes of useless money, not even a request for transfer from Hogwarts. It was almost as if Sirius had never existed as part of the Black family. The Slytherins weren't making things much easier. Added to their jibes of  _'_ _faggot_ _'_ _and_ _'_ _poofter_ _'_ were now ' _blood traitor_ ' and  _'_ _Black_ _mongrel_ '.

It hurt Remus just as much as it probably did Sirius, but that didn't keep him from getting angry as Sirius aimed yet another malicious cutting spell towards Regulus. It was yet another to add to the list of displaying Snape's underpants to the world, stringing Goyle by his trousers to the banister, setting a Kelpie behind Malfoy, and many others. Before he knew what he was doing, Remus had got off his seat and stuck his face into Sirius's, snarling, ' _Stop_ _it,_ _Sirius._ _'_ His hand closed around Sirius's wrist tightly, keeping his wand at bay. 'You've had enough  _fun,_ don't you think?'

James stopped laughing.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and shot a shit-eating grin that made Remus's blood boil. 'Make me,' he replied cockily, other hand straying to grope Remus's arse. Right in the middle of the Great Hall. Very,  _very_ tight.

It was Marauder Rule #33. Sirius should have known it all too well by now. He should have known that you should never, ever, under any circumstances fuel Moony's anger. Not unless you wanted a face full of Moony's fist. Not unless you wanted to end up in the Hospital Wing trying to grow back two of your front teeth, while being bed mates with the unconscious boy who had made the mistake of yelling out that Remus threw fists like a girl.

Remus would have done a lot more with his  _girly_ _fists_  if James  _Saint_ Potter hadn't stopped him. A  _lot_ more, he reckons.

* * *

'Moony,' Sirius called out, peering out the gap in his bed curtains towards the figure lying in the opposite bed. 'Moony,' he tried again, when Remus's back stayed turned as if asleep. Sirius knew he wasn't asleep of course. He had spent enough time creepily watching Remus sleep to know the difference. 'Moony, I'm cold,' Sirius whined, hoping to elicit some sort of sympathy from his lover. All he gained for his efforts was a badly aimed pillow to his head and a  _'_ _shut_ _it,_ _you_ _stupid_ _mutt,_ _'_ from James.

Sirius stuck out his tongue despite knowing James couldn't see him. He shot another needy look towards Remus's turned back before crawling out of bed. His bare feet moved quickly across the stone floors to avoid the cold that burned his skin. His pyjama sleeves swished against his wrists, as he pushed back Remus's curtains fully and climbed under the sheets. A quick wandless spell pulled the curtains shut again and Sirius pressed his freezing body against Remus's much warmer one.

Apart from the slight shiver, Sirius's presence was ignored.

'Moony,' Sirius nudged his nose against the back of Remus's neck, his arms wrapping tightly around Remus's waist as he did so. He was hit by a sudden epiphany that he acted quite a bit like his Animagus counterpart and wondered if it was a cause or a consequence. He quickly dismissed the idea when he found that Remus was still not paying him any mind. 'Moony,' he hummed against Remus's skin, pushing his face further in. It smelled lovely – like  _boyboyboy_ and cheap shampoo that Remus had chosen only because it smelled the least flowery and poncey out of the lot. He smelled delectable, Sirius reckoned, so he bit into Remus's shoulder. Softly at first and then hard when he realised it really did taste as wonderful as he thought.

'Ow! Bloody hell, Sirius!' Remus cried out, pushing Sirius off him and rubbing his sore shoulder. He glared, amber eyes shining bright in the darkness. 'Just put on a warming charm and get out of my bed!'

'You were ignoring me,' Sirius stated the obvious, throwing in a pout that he hoped was adorable.

'Take a hint,' Remus replied. 'Damn it, I think I'm bleeding.'

Remus  _was_  bleeding; Sirius could taste a bitter tang in his mouth where his unfinished front teeth had cut. They were sharper than normal and Sirius ran his tongue over them, wondering if he should ask Madam Pomfrey to file them tomorrow. 'Don't ignore me, too,' Sirius said softly, hating how vulnerable he sounded when he'd meant for it to come as a jest. He wondered if he'd look okay if he shot a last minute grin.

Remus's glare softened. 'I wasn't…' He sighed. 'Padfoot, I was just angry. I understand that things aren't entirely easy for you at the moment, but can't you just…I don't know, maybe tone it down a little?'

Sirius felt a slight twinge of guilt but tried not to show it too much. Remus always did this. Always made James and Sirius feel guilty for things that weren't really all that dangerous. All right, maybe just a little dangerous, but certainly not as cruel.

'Padfoot,' Remus placed a hand on Sirius's cheek. 'You know that I'm here, don't you?'

It was weird. The feeling that was bubbling forth inside – like helium filling his stomach and making him float. Sirius had known all along, hadn't he? He'd known that Remus loved him, cared for him, would never leave him no matter how many ugly sides of Sirius would be revealed. He'd known, yet it was almost as if he'd been waiting for Remus to say those exact words since the beginning of this whole fiasco.

Sirius felt those horrid tears threatening to spill again and he did what he (fortunately) could not with John Lupin to hide them: he kissed Remus. Kissed him like there was no tomorrow, climbing on top of him and burying both hands deep into light brown hair. It felt a bit disjointed when Remus's tongue ran over his still growing front teeth, pushing deeper into Sirius's mouth and exploring every ridge and bump that met its path. It was slow and careful, and Sirius felt some of the urgency to hide leave him. He let Remus flip them over, settling just on top of Sirius's hips so that Sirius could feel how every flick oh his tongue and every moan elicited reactions from Remus just down below. He could feel the push of his own erection against his pyjama bottoms and vaguely wondered if he had anymore clean ones left.

Remus smiled at him. 'All right?' He asked, his fingers purposely tracing down Sirius's neck his collarbone; circling his nipples as it passed his chest and stomach. The light pressure of nails had Sirius's breath speeding up, biting back a moan. They hadn't put up any silencing charms yet and Sirius hoped to Merlin Remus would remember, because his limbs had already turned to useless jelly.

He muffled another gasp when Remus's head went down in time with his pants. Sirius's eyes rolled back to his head as a warm mouth closed on his erection. 'Shit,' he whispered as Remus's tongue licked a long stripe over the underside and then took him in entirely, sucking hard. 'Shit, shit, shit,' he scrambled for Remus's wand on the bedside table, one hand keeping a steady hand on Remus's bobbing head to keep  _the_ _fuck_ _going._ His hand shook as he cast a hasty Silencing spell, only to let out a loud moan of discontent when Remus's mouth disappeared. He opened his eyes, only to see Remus staring back at him, eyes blown out to black. His cheeks were flushed pink and his lips were parted, glistening from spit and pre-cum. Sirius had never wanted to kiss him more.

'You're fucking beautiful; did I ever tell you that?'

'Don't be a twat,' Remus laughed, shielding his face with his hair.

Sirius was just about to tell Remus that he was also bloody gorgeous, but found his words caught in his throat when he felt Remus's opening press against the tip of his cock. His eyes widened in shock and her stared stupidly, as Remus threw his head back and pushed all the way in. 'Fuck, that's hot,' he whispered, mouth going dry as he was overcome by the urge to lick a long stripe up the smooth column of Remus's neck. Pale, so blissfully pale that it looked luminescent.

Remus moaned softly, when one of Sirius's hands came up to massage his cock while the other ran up and down his left thigh. 'Please,' Sirius begged, his hips already starting to cant on their own, desperately trying to gain the friction he was yet to grown accustomed to. It was so, so _fucking_ tight and hot and  _wet;_ and when Remus finally did start moving, Sirius felt as if he was in  _fucking_ heaven. His toes curled into the sheets and he was so impossibly hard inside Remus's body, fuelled by the keening sounds the werewolf made every time Sirius's cock hit his prostate.

'Sirius,' Remus breathed, sweat dripping off his forehead and as rode Sirius faster. 'I'm…I'm going to-'

Sirius's hand on Remus's cock sped up, wanting them to come together. It was Remus's voice that undid him – that soft keening sound as hot spurts of come spread between them. Their foreheads were pressed together, Sirius's hand still work on Remus's cock until it became soft. He felt a certain sense of loss when Remus pulled away, but kept his eyes trailed on the sliver of white that ran down the back of Remus's thighs.  _Hot_ , was his last thought as Remus spelled them both clean.

'Hot,' Sirius voiced his monosyllabic thoughts.

Remus hid his face in Sirius's neck, his chest pressing into Sirius's side, forcing Sirius's arms to wrap around him. 'You were complaining about being cold a minute ago.'

'Hush,' Sirius mock chided, slapping Remus on the bum. He bit his lips when the urge to do it again ran through him. He pushed the thought back, cataloguing it for another day. 'Thank you,' he put in as an afterthought, 'for…you know…'

Remus shrugged and they stayed quiet for a while, basking in the afterglow. Then Remus spoke, 'Padfoot, I know that there is a lot that I can't do for you. I can't bring you your family back or stop them from going into the Dark Arts. I'm helpless most of the time, but that doesn't mean I won't try to at least make things better.' Remus put a hand on Sirius's mouth to stop him from talking. 'I also know that sometimes you feel… _inadequate_ …that we'll… _I_ _'_ _ll_ leave you, but those thoughts are really just bollocks and you shouldn't think about them too much because I love you.'

Sirius shook his head. 'They're not bollocks to me.'

Remus sighed exasperatedly. 'Padfoot, do you remember the first time you kissed me? Do you remember the reason you gave me for doing so?'

Sirius smiled, nodding.

'Yeah,' Remus smiled back. 'Ditto, mate.' A sudden yawn escaped him, eyes closing into thin slits.

Sirius watched him, feeling a sudden overwhelming love for him. He bit into the soft flesh of Remus's upper arm, gently this time. He wondered if it was okay to love someone this much, or if he'd crossed some kind of invisible line that dictated what was appropriate and not. He kissed Remus's shoulder this time and pressed his face into it, thinking that maybe it was okay to fall asleep like that.

'Padfoot?'

'Mm?' Sirius mumbled softly, the warmth of Remus's skin making him drowsy. His eyes drooped a little before looking back up. 'What is it?'

'Do you still have that silly plastic ring?' Remus put up his left hand, wiggling his ring finger playfully.

He had that sort of cheeky grin that Sirius absolutely loved. Sleep forgotten, Sirius used Remus's wand to summon the ring out of the back pocket of his old trousers. It looked about as cheap as Sirius last remembered it – a transparent shade of red and missing that bit of hard candy on top because it had been Sirius's favourite flavor. Sirius was almost ashamed of himself for using it, but time had been short and he'd been desperate.

Remus pushed his ring finger through it, wincing when it proved to be too small and got stuck just above his knuckle. When Sirius raised an eyebrow, he simply chuckled softly and snuggled back into the bed. 'Until you get me a real one.'

* * *

_Remus hears the door to the Astronomy Tower slide open and he curses, when he realises it is Sirius Fucking Black. It is as if there is no escaping from the Black boy, who has set a Vendetta against Remus for no particular reason except that he thinks it's all a right laugh. Everywhere Remus goes, the Black boy is there, turning Remus's legs to jelly or making him grow little puppy ears or turning his hair pink. Remus just wants to fit in. He's dreamed of coming to Hogwarts for years; made himself believe that he would never get the chance because he was disfigured, but he **had** gotten the chance. And now, he just wanted to be like everyone else. He wanted to be a normal little boy._

_Just a normal little boy._

_But Sirius Black had to come along and make him into the butt of jokes instead. Remus didn't understand why he had to be the target. Was it because Sirius had found out Remus had two fathers? Or was it something Remus wasn't aware of, like body odour or funny hair or maybe wonky knees._

' _Go away!' Remus yells, secretly trying to wipe his tears without Black noticing. 'Why can't you leave me alone for a single second of the day? Just fucking go away for fifteen minutes and then you can turn my nails green or whatever the hell you want!' Remus sniffs, cursing himself as another fresh bout of tears spills from his eyes. He feels so pathetic and quickly turns away to hide his shame._

' _Why are you crying?'_

' _I'm not…' Remus sniffles, moving away when Black comes to sit beside him. 'I have pollen allergies…' He sounds pathetic even to himself._

' _There are no flowers here,' Sirius states, looking around as if he actually expects some to sprout magically under their feet._

_He shifts closer to Remus again. It is an endless cycle. Remus moves away and Sirius keep moving closer, until Remus's side is pressed to the wall and there is no where left to move. He is trapped and Sirius is pressed against him like paper glue. Their elbows and knees bump against each other awkwardly. The silence is horrible too, because Remus is waiting for Sirius's next move. What will it be this time – overgrown nose hair, bat wings, or bushy eyebrows?_

_Then Sirius sighs heavily and speaks, 'Look, I didn't think you were going to cry-'_

' _I'm not crying!' Remus argues adamantly, despite the flood of tears now falling unbidden from his face. He scolds himself internally for being so emotional; he is eleven years old for Merlin's sake. 'And if you feel so bad about it then why do you keep pulling pranks on me? Do you know how hard it is to find counter spells? My hair still has bits of pink in it and I had to hide that tail in my robes for months!'_

' _I-I-' Sirius bites his lip and looks away towards his shoes. 'I only prank the people I like,' he supplies as an explanation._

_Remus blinks and tilts his head in confusion. 'So…so, you actually like Snape?' he asks curiously. Sirius is blushing brightly now and wringing his hands into knots._

_Sirius blanches in disgust. 'Hell no! That's not the same thing!'_

' _But you prank him all the time, too…' Remus reasoned, his voice still coming a little watery despite having already curbed the worst of it. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and looks at Sirius again, eyes wide and incredibly amber. It makes Sirius nervous, but Remus doesn't know this._

' _I like you,' Sirius repeats again. 'Not like how I like James or chocolate or calling McGonagall stupid nicknames behind her back. I LIKE you.' When it is obvious that Remus is clearly not getting it; Sirius huffs in annoyance. Before Remus can do anything, Sirius leans in and plants a chaste kiss on Remus's cheek, leaving only a bit of slobber where he licked his lips from nervousness._

' _You kissed me!' Remus exclaims, pressing a shocked hand to his cheek. No had ever kissed him on the cheek before except his family. His eyes are wide as he stares at a quickly reddening Sirius. 'Why did you kiss me?'_

_Sirius rolls his eyes, faking an air of nonchalance, even though he is clearly starting to feel uncomfortable. His face already resembles very closely to a tomato and he is just barely keeping himself from stuttering. 'I told you, you're special.'_

* * *

**The End**

* * *

 


End file.
